"At least it was a clean break,” she said. “At least there’s no worry about going back, wondering if. No complications. It’s done with.” I nodded. We had ordered our meal a long time ago and it still hadn’t arrived. My forearms were sticking to the tablecloth where they lay fiddling with the knife and fork in front of me. I’d finished my drink already but I was still thirsty. I wiped away the sweat from my top lip. My aunty watched me carefully from across the table. I think she thought I was about to cry and I was trying to pre-emptively wipe the tears away. She eyed me for a while still, even when it was clear I was just hot and uncomfortable.
I wished we'd gone somewhere else. The cafe was busy, full up with old people and families. A little kid ran out from under a table in front of the waitress and she almost dropped the tray she was carrying. Finally, it was our food. She approached our table still watching the kid across the room as she put down the plates in front of us without saying a word. They were the wrong way round and we swapped them when her back was turned. She was red faced. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself. The same child started crying at the next table. My aunty tutted and turned back to me.
“What was I saying? Yes, a clean break will be good for you.” she said. “None of this to-ing and fro-ing, will he or won’t he. He’s made his bed and he can lie in it. And now you can just get on with the rest of your life in peace.”
I nodded again. And then I felt a strange sensation flood over me. The table was moving, everything was swimming. It all seemed to slow down for a second. Sounds morphed sourly from the right pitch to the wrong one. I stood up, knocking the chair out from under me and as fast as I could go, I ran out the door and threw up in the car park. It was the third time this week I’d been sick. I couldn’t admit it yet, couldn’t even bring myself to think about what this might mean for the new peaceful life I was supposed to be looking forward to. I looked down at my stomach, my eyes watering, and felt a confused but happy pang for the disruption that I realised had taken root in me. Then I pawed at my mouth haphazardly as another wave of sickness tore through me.
Created: Aug 16, 2012tori Document Media