Worst. Birthday. Ever.

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A true story, as told by my 16 year old self ...

It's the middle of June, smack bang in the middle and its my birthday. My birthday has never been in my favourite time of year for two valid reasons; 
1. Middle of June is winter school holidays and of course everyone clears out of town for snow or sun for two weeks. You know what that means? No friends and you know what that means? No parties. My friends have gotten out of giving me gifts for years. Oh and gifts? yeah ain't they awesome? No they aren't on my birthday which is reason number 2. I never get what I ask for. It's not like I ask for diamonds or designer sunglasses! My mother, and brother and sister come to think of it are terrible gift givers. Look, yes, I am well aware there are people waaaaaay worse of than me but still! Don't I get one good birthday?

Anyway, this year I got my drivers license. Oh my god. So excited. I can leave and drive wherever I want. Wherever-I-want. Dad has been hinting at getting me a car alllllll year. He keeps going on and on about me not having to get the bus home from the night shift at work, not having to drive me to the library or pick me up, drop me off, take me here, there, blah blah blah. All this blah blah blah definitely means I'm getting a car.

So anyway I have been super sneaky fuelling this idea by demonstrating how responsible I am with vehicles and what not. I offer to take my younger sis and bro to their crappy things, sports and piano and stuff, as well as cleaning mums car regularly, totally without them asking (they love it when you do good shit without them asking). Also, every now and then I mention the safety aspects of this adorable mini 4WD I reeeeaaallly want. I have learnt so much about fuel economy, insurance, hell I even learnt how to change a tyre.

Pretty clever huh? Anyway day of my birthday, mum has made breakfast - pancakes, bacon, the works. Yum. The obligatory 'Happy Birthday', 'Oh thank you', 'You feel older?', 'Ah, no not really', 'Well you are, you're growing into a beautiful woman', 'Ah, thanks Grandma'. Cue opening gift from Grandma with fake delight plastered across my face, 'Oh wow, it's beautiful. Where did you find a crystal swan?'. Urgh.

And then it happens, Dad hands me a box. It's small with silver wrapping and a purple bow. Purple is my favourite colour and the colour I want my car so this is clearly a sign. I jump into my well rehearsed acceptance speech 'Dad, It's too much... you didn't have too...' as I tear off the bow and rip the paper to reveal a mottled green box - just big enough for a set of car keys. I slowly remove the lid, and gaze at whats inside. Then bang, every single family member present, my so called nearest and dearest, the ones that love me now matter what and I them, break into rapturous laugher. I am stunned, my mouth on-the-floor, I had no words, I take it out of it's box and put it on the table. My brother says between his idiotic cackles 'hey, I'll have it if you don't want it!'

So I slid the toy car across the table to him.

Created: Aug 11, 2012

Tags: script, gift, dialogue, present, birthday, story, non-fiction

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