Philos/Friend Zone

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My heart is struggling for a way to find words in my mouth. I always catch you looking my way. I see that special smile that is just for me. I know we are friends. I know you care about me. I know you would come a thousand miles to give me a hug when I feel like crying. But I also know you don't love me the way I want you to. And I couldn't ask you to. Because I don't deserve you. I don't deserve someone who loves as simply and strongly as you. My love is too complicated; there is too much past to be broken away from the love that I need. I can feel that ripping heart syndrome coming on, when I love somoene I know will never love me.

And the love I'm talking about is the 'eros' type. The one that's passionate and sexual; the kind between two people that want to be together, who want their bodies intertwined and to almost never be released. The kind of love that is so strongly connected by body and soul, that if one were to die, the other would only live to wait for death just to be with that person again.

The type of love we have for each other can only be 'philos' aka 'the friend zone.' There's nothing wrong with it, either; I know that. I know when I see you that I have to keep my excitement leveled because I know for a fact that you strictly see me as a friend. And even though I dream of us being married, I wake up heart-broken because I always realize that my dreams are just that--the subconscious desire that will never happen in reality.

I try to keep a positive mind about things, praying each night that I will want to be your friend more, and be your lover less. Some days are better than others. Yet I know I am still weak when I fall to my knees at the thought of seeing you.

Created: Aug 07, 2012


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