Home. It's where there's safety. Or is it? That's what's usually assumed. When someone is scared or lonely, they usually want to go home. But no, that doesn't mean they want to be safe. It's that they want to be comfortable, they want to be somewhere they understand, somewhere they know well. They know it well enough that their mind already knows what to do and how to deal.
... okay concentration broke because my mother walked into the room requesting the computer. I said no.
On retrospect let's change the mood and trajectory of this prose, I am "home". But, I consider this home only because I don't have to pay rent or anything. I consider this home because this is the address I write when people ask me about my household. Officially, where I live most of the year is constantly changing thanks to college. But I still consider this home. I lived all my life before one year ago in another country. I lived in Honduras, a place I know like the back of my hand. I know so many people there, I know how the politics work there. I feel like I'm going off topic. If they ask of my home country, I'll say Honduras. But if they ask where my home is, I'll say here in Ohio. In this house where my parents "live". Technically as they both haven't moved in permanently. Often, I can come home and no one is here. Then it feels like real home.
Maybe it's because when there's no one, I'm still in a place I know well, a place that I don't have to pay. I'm in a place that usually is full of the annoyance of parents that many have experienced. But when it's empty and it's only me? When the rooms I'm not in are dark without light. Dark without sound. It feels more like home. I can fill all those rooms with imagination. There's no disturbances.
Is that home? It feels like it to me.
Perhaps I'm odd, because relating to my first paragraph, home is usually where you want to go when you're alone. But in order for me to feel truly home... I want to be alone. I don't want to be restricted. I want to be 100% free.
Maybe freedom is home. Maybe that's what I've discovered. Ah, wait.
People who feel comfortable with home being like their infancy or simply younger years, perhaps that's freedom to them. The whole not having to pay, not really working, getting drunk in HS without worrying about getting laid off of work. Something like that. But if their early home wasn't so nice rarely do they want to go back home. Frequently they are lost and find solace in solitary presence. Then they find freedom... and relish it... and freedom becomes their home.
Created: Aug 04, 2012kerize Document Media