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I’m not so sure about myself.
I don’t know who I am supposed to be.
I grew up with wonderful parents and siblings. They loved me and treated me well. I’m thankful for that but my past was not all that great. I did not have grandparents that everyone else had. People thought I was weird. Some treated me like we were friends but when I’m not around, I am just a nobody. I didn’t have any friends during my pre-school days. All I had was my little brother who became my best friend during that time. Sometime around 8th or 9th grade (which wasn’t too long ago), my friends were talking about how much they adored their grandparents. I couldn’t relate to that because I didn’t have good grandparents. They favored my brother the most because he was the only grandson. Everyone in my family were born right handed. I wasn’t. I was born left handed and I still am.
Even now, I have nobody. I thought I did but I feel like I don’t anymore. I was so sure that I’ve found my true friends in high school but now, I do not know anymore. Nobody really talks to me anymore. Nobody asks me to hang out with them. Nobody wonders about me anymore. It feels like as if they have all forgotten about me in a matter of days.
As days went by, my heart grew colder and colder. I didn’t have a heart to care for anyone or anything anymore. I didn’t care if someone got hurt emotionally or physically. I didn’t care at all. But now, I’m tired of being cold hearted. I miss being happy. I miss being loved. I miss having somebody.
Am I that forgettable?
Am I really that invisible?
Sometimes, I just feel like a lonely ghost wandering around this cruel world.
Truth is, I really do not have anyone.
The only person that makes me feel like I exist is my little brother.
Created: Aug 02, 2012ilauralee Document Media