10min Writing Challenge - Secret

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When I look into your eyes, your clear blue eyes, I'm afraid.  I'm afraid of just what it is I'm feeling.  I'm afraid of allowing what has been threatening to rise to take over, and do something that I will thank myself for.

I've lost the faith to leap.  I have too many memories tying me down to the ground to ever let myself fly again.

I watch you, watching nothing, continuing your life without doubt, without hesitation, and I envy you.  I want your spirit.  I want your strength.  I want your heart.

And then the fear comes.  The blank, expressionless, paralyzing fear that makes itself known, bolts my feet to the floor, and I can't move.  I can't breathe.  The only way I can walk is away.  Away from the courage that makes life bearable.  I'm not strong enough.  Not yet.

And these fears are nothing new.  They are the shadows of a young man's experience with a life he doesn't understand, a life that no one understands, be they prophets or fools.

All I want is you.

These thoughts I will keep secret, until the end of my days.

Created: Jul 24, 2012

Tags: prose, secret, free-verse, writing challenge, essay

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