I look at dirty things on my phone, on the bus, going into work. I feel like I'm accomplishing something so illicit, like maybe I should be locked up for being a sick freak. First thing's first, I pick myself a nice window seat for maximum screen-hiding capability. If there's only aisle seats, I can only hope that my big six end up all falling asleep.
The big six only exist if you're sitting on an aisle seat; if you're sitting at the window, you only have a big two, although two of anything isn't big unless we're talking about elephants, skyscrapers, countries, planets, suvs. Assuming that every seat on the bus is full, and assuming that you have landed in an aisle seat instead of the desirable window, there are six people sitting around you who can be able to see the screen of your phone.
-sitting next to you on the window
-sitting next to you across the aisle
-sitting behind that aisle person
-sitting directly behind you on the aisle
-sitting next to them on the window
-two rows back the person on the opposite aisle
Six. If you have a window, only the person next to you and the person in the row behind you on the aisle seat can see your screen, and that's only if they're trying.
I like the window because I can curl up, tuck my legs under this body of a creep that is me and mine, huddle over my phone like a mac-enabled Gollum, and turn on my phone. Don't forget to turn down the screen brightness. You won't need all that light. It's morning. It's dark. The sun isn't high enough yet for phone-screen solar flares. That's some filthy shit you're scrolling past. Some real filthy shit.
Just curl up nice and tight around your phone, and you can look at the filthiest shit you want, in public, in front of everyone, and the joke is on them as long as you angle yourself so your big six or your not-so-big two don't have undisrupted sight lines. You should always be aware of the sight lines. Or you could just sit in the last row of the bus, right up by the window, and not have anyone be able to look at your screen at all but also not be able to lower your seat-back, which just isn't worth it.
Created: Jul 22, 2012alpal Document Media