Joe is My Neighbor - A mostly true story.

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Last night, I had a dream that Joe (THAT Joe) and I were friends. To be honest, I've had two dreams. To further be honest, we weren't really friends. In the dream, that is. We're not friends in real life, either, but for different reasons. (Foremostly, we don't know each other.)

We weren't friends in the dream (erm... dreams) because in the dream-s Joe was kind of a dick. I imagine in real life, Joe is a super nice, rather excitable, extremely talented, handsome and worldly gentleman. Also, sources on the internet inform Joe's character in my mind. Too bad those sources don't seem to also inform my subconscious mind, because, as mentioned, in the dreams, Joe was a dick.

The first dream sets the scene a little. The first dream was before Inception and that Summer movie, so Joe wasn't as famous. He was only famous to interested parties like me because I saw Brick, related to Joe as Tom (well, Tommy), and because we were neighbors. We lived in the same apartment complex. Some cheap old places. Every apartment has a yellow stain on one wall from where no one knows it came. I don't know why either of us lived there.

In spite of his relative infamy (unfamy, I guess, but I don't think that's a word), Joe always treated me like I was some kind of nuisance. Like I was the dick. I guess being nice and politely discussing matters of public domain on the stairs equates me to a rabid annoying fan. Here's an example:

STEVE (that's me): Oh hey Joe. Got some olive oil, huh?

Then Joe did that face that people make when they've pre-judged you as stupid.

JOE: Yep.

He looked like he wanted me to leave, but that's what I mean. I was in the process of "leaving." We both were. We were walking up the stairs to our respective apartments.

I guess he was right in his judgement, though, because I stupidly kept talking instead of taking the hint.

STEVE: Oh I saw that high school drug movie.

Joe was doing the look again, but I actually said that, so it was understandable.

STEVE: Anyway, I thought it was good. You still got it, kid!

That part was a joke. Joe didn't laugh.

STEVE: Welp, this is where I get off. I'll see you around.

He looked at me with one of those eyebrows-raised fake-smiles that is so obviously sarcastic that everyone just automatically knows that he's basically saying, "No way, Steve. If I see you again I'm going to wait until you're a few flights up from me before I get on the stairs so we don't have to talk."

So you see what I mean? Joe was being a real douche.

The second dream was last night, so obviously Joe was super famous. In this dream, I was on my way somewhere, and he was standing outside his apartment. I took the opportunity to say hello.

STEVE: Oh hey Joe.

The subtext of the way he looked at me this time was "Really? Still?"

STEVE: Man! You've been really blowing up lately. It's been cool to see all your success.

JOE: Yeah. Thanks.

No one can ignore an outright compliment, so Joe seemed to be warming up a little.

STEVE: Yeah, man. I've seen you all over the internet. That video you made is everywhere.

JOE: Well, thanks.

STEVE: Yeah. You've been super successful. Maybe you should finally move.

With that, I dropped the mic, raised my hands, and walked away.

Created: Jan 31, 2012


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