I Am a Kid.

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When I was a kid the world was so big that the moon was my friend because we were always so close.


When I was a kid the world was so big that every gutter was a river that could wash me away.


When I was a kid the world was so big that i had space to battle an army on my way home from school.


The world was so big and my feet were so small I could walk for nine and a half hours and get nowhere at all.


 


When I was a kid my grandfather had done


all the things in this world that could possibly be done


and he told me in secret so I never told anyone.


We had so many stories we turned into secrets


that all the places he'd been I had gone to myself,


and I knew I knew more than anyone else.


 


When I was a kid my father smelled like California


and California in turn smells just like my dad.


Whenever my nose catches wind of that smell,


it's the smell of my father and the big hands that he had.


Hands that could pick me up over his shoulders


and make clouds take new shapes


or even break down mountain sized boulders.


Hands that held mine so firm and so tight


and hands that were so heavy it could make all lifes problems feel light.


 


When I was a kid my mother spoke love.


Her eyes matched her smile that sent tingles down my back.


When I was a kid my mother taught me how to laugh.


My mother taught and she taught and even when we fought,


it was my mother who would hold me until my tears were all forgot.


 


Now I am older and I know all too much.


I know all about money and girls and such.


I know about the way my brain makes my body work.


I know how to lie and I know how to hurt.


and Ill be kicking rocks until I leave this small place,


cause the world to me now doesn't have the same taste.


The world doesn't have the same smell when I walk outside my door.


The ground doesn't extend forever the way it did before.


The wind doesn't blow and water doesn't make noise


and I get so damn jealous of little girls and little boys.


With worlds to discover and worlds to make up,


where a lot is a little and a little is enough.


 


But for those times I find myself alone in the park


and the sky turns the color between daytime and dark,


I can close both my eyes tight and try really hard


to forget all the distractions like girls, money and cars.


 


Then I can focus my senses on the smell in the air


and try and listen for the noises that make the boy in me scared.


and for the smallest of moments, the kind you can measure with a twig...


 


...I am a kid and the world is so big.


 

Created: Jan 30, 2012

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