This is a short screenplay I wrote quite a while ago, and well I haven't been doing anything with it, so let's find something to do with it. I haven't edited it since I wrote it back in . . . 2007? Really? And I clearly hadn’t mastered screenplay layout then. So it's pretty rough. But rough is good.
IN THE MORNING
Written by Pete Sansom
INT. GIRL’S BEDROOM. MORNING.
GUY is in bed with a girl. She is asleep. The room is dark, lit by half-closed curtains. GUY lifts himself up and sits on the edge of the bed in his boxers. He dresses, donning jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. He looks at himself in the mirror, flicking at his hair.
He kneels down, shifting some clothes, and picks up a pair of girl’s panties. They are spotty and small and innocently frilly. He lifts the panties, and then smells them, inhaling deeply. He appears pleased and stuffs the panties into his jacket pocket. GUY stands up, pauses to look back at the girl then exits the room.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE. MORNING.
GUY exits the girl’s house, a semi-detached house on a residential street. He looks both ways and then walks along the street. He takes his mobile phone from his pocket and dials a number.
Hey, yeah, I got them. (pause) Still the amount we agreed? (pause) A-huh. (beat) See in you in five.
EXT. ON STREET OUTSIDE PUB. MORNING.
THE BUYER is standing waiting on the pavement, checking his watch and bouncing excitedly. The red-brick pub behind him is large and cheap-looking. It is situated next to a rather quiet road. GUY walks into view.
Hey. They’re all ready for you.
GUY takes the panties from his pocket and hands them to THE BUYER. THE BUYER takes them and holds them in his hands, looking down at them. After a few moments, he lifts them to his face, covering his nose and mouth and inhales.
A car screeches up.
Two BALACLAVAs get out of the car and rush towards GUY and THE BUYER (before they have time to react), knocking them to the floor. One of the BALACLAVAs grabs the panties from THE BUYER’s hand. He looks very pleased (if pleasure can be seen through a woollen balaclava).
Looks like we caught them with their panties off.
BALACLAVA 2 quickly heads for the car and BALACLAVA follows hurriedly. They jump in and slam the doors. BALACLAVA thrusts the keys into the ignition and cranks rapidly. The engine fails to start, only letting out a guttural whine. He tries again and again, forcing at the key.
Outside the car, the two men are recovering from their dazed start. They begin to get up sluggishly.
They’re getting up. Let’s go. Let’s go.
BALACLAVA tries one last time at the ignition and then smacks the steering wheel in frustration. The BALACLAVAs throw their doors open and jump out of their car. Escaping, they run off down the street at speed.
The two men are half-way up, and see the BALACLAVAs running off. They pull themselves up and run after the thieves [shown through a series of shots].
EXT. CAR PARK. MORNING.
GUY and THE BUYER enter a car park and run across it. In the middle of the car park is a large man with a ginger moustache, wearing a bright, shiny green jacket and red trousers. His bow tie is chequered. They run up to the man. They are out of breath.
Have you seen two guys in balaclavas?
MAN IN RED AND GREEN
Which way did they go?
MAN IN RED AND GREEN
Well, my brain says they went that way -
He points towards the public toilets.
- but my heart says they went – into – my heart.
MAN IN GREEN AND RED puts his hand to his heart coyly. The guys run off in the direction Man in Green and Red pointed. They half-run, half-leapt around the back of the toilet block - and stop. On the ground are the two BALACLAVAs, both unconscious. One is curled like a foetus, the other is splayed like a rag doll thrown to the floor. A baseball bat lies near them.
THE BUYER jumps to his knees and frantically starts going through the BALACLAVAs’ pockets – front, back, jackets. One of them has nothing. He leaps onto the other and grabs at his pockets.
Relieved, he pulls out the panties.
Got them! I got them!
GUY looks at the underwear and then snatches and holds it. He raises the spotty pair to his nose. His eyes widen, in shock and anger.
No, these aren’t right. They don’t smell like her. They don’t.
THE BUYER grabs them and presses them tightly to his nose.
GUY swings around, punching the wall. He shouts with the pain and the frustration. THE BUYER stays on his knees, the panties dangling in his hand. He speaks without looking up.
Who has the real panties then?
The shot is dark, and then a pattern can be seen - the pattern of the panties. The shot pans to the side and lifts up to reveal the MAN IN GREEN AND RED looking into the mirror, wearing the girl’s underwear.
MAN IN PANTIES
END. ROLL CREDITS.
Pete Sansom 2007
Created: Jan 25, 2012ptsnsm Document Media