By Pete Conrad

There’s little that expresses ones’ love of another
more than the discharging of your loved-ones zits.
Be they garden variety pimples, blemishes, acne,
whiteheads, blackheads or oily blind pimples.

They are filled with Love.

As a child my father would pay me a quarter if I scratched his back.
So, when I needed candy I would ask him if he wanted his back scratched.
Then, one day, he said, “I’ll give you another quarter if you pop my zits.”
I squeemed at first, then thoughts of that Choc ‘o Lite candy bar
melting delicately in my mouth pressed my fingers into action.

They were always the white, gooey ones too.
But, fuck, a quarter’s a quarter, right?
And two candy bars are twice as good as one.
Pretty soon, I’d run into the house and ask him if he had
any pimples that I could pop.

I remember, as a child, watching my sister squeeze
the blackheads from her boyfriend’s face.
The next day she said that she’s had an awful dream.
She dreamed that as she squeezed a particularly large
whitehead, a gaggle of baby spiders emerged from
the rupture. I thought that was pretty cool.

I still do.

Today, my wife pops the zits on my back
and I reciprocate by popping the zits on hers.
And we both derive some sort of pleasure by
digging out the big blackheads on each other’s backs.

And we show each other the blackheads if they’re really big.

I’ve made this sort of statement to many people and have found
over the years that my wife and I are certainly not alone
in this particular activity. It’s seems to be a popular pastime,
folks squeezing the pus from pimples of their loved ones.

Is it because we’re monkeys?

It certainly does take a lot of love for another to pop their zits.
I’m not certain that there’s another person on this earth that I’d
squeeze a pimple for. That goo is extremely personal.
But beware, fellow zit-extruders, for if your loved one
no longer pops your zits, the end is certainly near.

Is that a zit I feel on my back?



Created: Mar 16, 2010


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