Fall Formal Script: "Blind Date"

By fractaldust

The show's intermission begins, the lights go on. WOMAN sits alone in crowded theatre.


 


A MAN rushes into the theatre and sits next to her, leaning towards her.


 


MAN


Shit, sorry I'm so late. You wouldn't believe the traffic out there. It's insane. I left three hours ago! A mile away, the taxi wasn't even moving for fifteen minutes so I was like, "fuck it," and got out and walked. I got stopped by three different people for directions. What is this, New York? And then I--


 


WOMAN


(interrupts him) Do I know you?


 


MAN


(flustered) What?


 


WOMAN


Why are you talking to me? I have no idea who you are.


 


MAN


Seriously? So you're not my blind date then?


 


WOMAN


No.


 


MAN


But-- (checks seat number) this is my seat, she's supposed to be sitting next to me!


 


WOMAN


Maybe on the other side?


 


MAN


Oh, right. (turns head, looks, grimaces, immediately looks back)


 


WOMAN


What's that face for?


 


MAN


(shakes head, whispers) Date's a little too blind for me.


 


WOMAN


(looks at his other side, whispers back) Jesus… she's old.


 


MAN


Yeah.


 


WOMAN


She's REALLY old.


 


MAN


I think she has dentures.


 


WOMAN


And a walking stick.


 


MAN


Fuck.


 


WOMAN


Who set you up on this blind date?


 


MAN


My ex-wife.


 


WOMAN


Well that explains it.


 


MAN


Pardon?


 


WOMAN


Surely you didn't think your ex would set you up on a good blind date.


 


MAN


She would! She's a nice girl, really cares about me.


 


WOMAN


Why'd you guys separate?


 


MAN


She cheated on me with my best friend.


 


WOMAN


Ouch… "Nice girl," huh?


 


MAN


Damn it. How embarrassing...


 


WOMAN


(pats shoulder reassuringly) There, there.


 


MAN


So, you here with anyone?


 


WOMAN


Nope. I'm enjoying the single life.


 


MAN


Really?


 


WOMAN


No. Fuck this, it sucks.


 


MAN


I know, right?


 


WOMAN


It's like all the cute guys are taken.


 


MAN


Well…


 


WOMAN


Oh, for fuck's sake.


 


MAN


I'm just sayin'.


 


WOMAN


I just met you.


 


MAN


Think of it as a blind date.


 


WOMAN


Really blind…


 


MAN


(nods towards his other side) But not that blind.


 


WOMAN


True…


 


MAN


So, what do you say?


 


WOMAN


I have cancer.


 


MAN


(completely thrown off) What? Wow, I'm sorry--


 


WOMAN


I don't actually, I'm not sure why I said that.


 


MAN


Afraid of relationships?


 


WOMAN


You could say that.


 


MAN


(holds up his ring finger) Me too…


 


WOMAN


Oh, right.


 


The lights begin to dim again.


 


MAN


Wanna get coffee after this?


 


WOMAN


It's too late for coffee.


 


MAN


Grab a beer?


 


WOMAN


I hate beer.


 


MAN


Uhh… tea?


 


WOMAN


(gives him a look) The show's starting.


 


MAN


Come back to my place?


 


WOMAN


Fine... one of the above.


 


MAN


Great. (begins to put arm around the back of her chair)


 


WOMAN


Don't even think about it.


 


Show starts.


 


--


first time i've ever written a script. there are LOTS of better ones out there, but i just thought i'd give it a shot. :)

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Fall Formal Script:

Created: Sep 28, 2011

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