By deeasherself

She’s sitting in front of me, her hands holding her head. Her blue eyes look watery, probably even sadder next to her pale skin. I don’t know if it’s my fault. Maybe it is, because I told her I was going away. Maybe it’s not, she’s just going through a rough time in her life and this good news for me turned out to be bad news for her. Sometimes I wonder if her eyes are really blue, but that doesn’t matter now, because she’s crying. She sips coffee from her purple mug and closes her eyes while doing so. It no longer amazes me watching her doing it. Or doing anything else anyway. How sad that things have to be this way. “For how long?” she asks. I try to avoid her eyes. But truth be told, I’ve been trying to avoid her for the past year. I know now you can’t be friends with somebody and then one day say “it was nice meeting you, goodbye”. Apparently it’s heartbreaking. I don’t seem to understand it because I always do it. No, really, I do. It might sound selfish, but I’m never selfish, only in this situations when I just have to go away and I still can’t do it because there’s something holding me back, and at some point I just say to myself “go away”, and I do it. And then I’m a selfish basterd. And I’m a cold heart bitch. And I just think of myself and don’t care about my friends. And I say, I’m sorry. I have to go away. Don’t try to contact me before I contact you, otherwise you’re going to screw my mind and leave it even worse than it already is. Let me do this, I never ask for anything. Just this one little thing. And then I say, goodbye. And I go away without answering questions.

Author's note: based on a real personal reaction.


Created: Feb 08, 2010


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