I stood on the cusp of being able to open my mouth. Every word that I have ever thought of or spoken stood waiting on the tip of my tongue. But I could not speak. Don't go. Don't leave me. I need you. I love you. Yellow, Please, Thank You, Yes, No, Mom, Dad, Dog, Cat, Hyperbole. Don't go. I need you. Instead I let you go. You looked at me and I let you go. I say nothing as you close the door. I say nothing when I see you leaving my building. I say nothing when I see you hail a cab and I say nothing as you drove off in the night.
I had a disturbing dream the other night. A bird sat on my shoulder and whispered in my ear. She told me so delicately that you were getting married. Before I could ask the bird how she could know something like this she flew away. I didn't wake up from the dream after that. I was left standing there for a long time. I kept waiting for the pain to hit me. But I felt nothing. I sensed nothing. I heard nothing.
And that's when I realised. It was going to take me a long time to wake up because I left you waiting. I left you without the truth. I let you drive into the dark city night without the truth.
I never told you that I was never as happy with life in general as i was when I was with you. That summer in the city was the best three months of my life. That you changed me. That I have and will never love a man as much as I have loved you. That I was terrified to my core when you got down on one knee, that not being able to speak that night is the biggest regret I have.
That is why you deserve this girl. She was smart enough to know that a person like you comes around not too often. Live for this girl. Grow old with this girl. Be happy with her. But please, please, please, don't forget me.
Created: Mar 12, 2011Aoife Document Media