a relationship

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Joe: what are you doing? Why are you doing this?

Girl: doing what?

Joe: doing what??? (frustrated) doing what?!!!?!?!?!?!?

Girl: All im trying to do is have some fun… im trying to move forward… im living for the moment… you know carpe diem… all you’re doing is being a massive buzzkill… (walking away as Joe follows) you are not letting my light shine and my light deserves to shine… (turns back to Joe) I think I heard that on Oprah.

Joe: your light?… what?

Girl: my light… (frustrated that he does not understand) my star quality… my psychic said there is a man in my life blocking my light… I figure it’s you… you’re holding me back, so now I need something new…

Joe: im holding you back?... (upset) so im holding YOU back?... (walk away and comes back )

Girl: well yeah… (as if it was so obvious… completely ignoring his frustration with her) my yoga instructor says the best way to move forward is to have positive calm influences at the forefront of your sensual experiences and you are not a positive calm influence…

Joe: IM not a positive calm influence?????!?!?!?!… You’re not a positive calm influence!!!! (frustrated and upset)

Girl: oh don’t be silly… and no you’re not positive or calm… and are you really just going to remix everything I say all night???

Joe: (silent and looks away… calm)

Girl: I know that was difficult for you to come to terms with, but I think it’s for the best. Now you know… he completes me… you know… he had me at hello. Well actually his first words were actually have sex with me or I’ll fire your boyfriend.

Joe: he blackmailed you?

Girl: not really... I would have slept with him anyway… (mentally out of the room) it was so romantic, we did it in his office during that Christmas party you dragged me to while you were in the toilets crying about some promotion you’re not gonna get and his wife was handling some salad emergency
Joe: (under breath) I wasn’t crying.

Girl: what?

Joe: nothing.
Girl: I don’t know why you bitch about him all the time… he seemed like he would be a nice boos… I mean he was so generous…. I didn’t even have to ask and he was down there munching away…

Joe: oh God… I think I just threw up a little in my mouth…

Girl: calm down… think of this as a fresh start…. A new deal for both of us…

Joe: what’dya mean?

Girl: I think I should see other people, specifically your boss… he’s not looking for anything serious, and I have you, so it kinda woks out perfectly… im sure once you have time to process this, you’ll see it does work out best, this could totally make me more open to you… sexually… (walk about for a bit) off to the grocery store (kisses him on the cheek) I do love you honey, and I still wanna marry you (smiles and leaves) I just don’t want you as the forefront of m sensual experiences… you know, at least until my psychic sees something different… you understand don’t you? (kisses him and the leaves)

Joe: (walk around)

Girl: im baaaccckkk… (looks around but Joe isn’t on stage, she looks a bit worried, but then he comes on looking unhappy and she grins)

Joe: sorry, I was upstairs, I thought I’d get started on the laundry while you were gone… did you buy ice cream?

Girl: yeah… well what’dya want for dinner? I know its your tunr to cook but I figured I’d let you have the night off. I was thinking maybe I’d make lasagne?

Joe: (silent for a bit) um sure… (smiles) does that come with desert???

Created: Jan 25, 2010


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