Choking on Conformity

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Dirty words,
and broken bones.
I'm used to this
all I've ever known. 


You blame it on my actions,
but who's to blame this time?
I'm on the floor,
bleeding, and begging for more. 


You never thought,
you'd see me comply with this torture.
Always building on my pain,
now with me agreeing, what is there to gain? 


You know I hate you,
but if I don't show it,
there's nothing for you to feel,
nothing to keep you going. 


No hate in my words.
No compassion.
No emotion.
What's to drive you now? 


I will never break in front of you.
Never again.
You don't deserve my emotions...
any of them. 


You want my love.
You want my acceptance.
And you show it,
with these bruises I'm forced to hide.


You see my flinch,
and hide some remorse.
Anger now filling,
your gaze. 


What did I do this time?
Will this be the last?
All the blood pooling,
clotting at the seams.


Later you'll say you're sorry,
you'll plead and say you love me.
But what if I don't love you?
What if there's not a "later", for me?


I think this all in silence,
not daring to speak a word.
The tile holds a secret,
no amount of bleach could hide. 


A secret yet,
still going untold...
No one dares speak of it,
for fear of what may come. 


But do they like to see me.
like this,
broken everyday,
In every possible way? 


Nothing should be hidden,
nothing as big as this.
Yet I will not tell a soul,
I wouldn't grant you the satisfaction. 


I won't show you that I'm weak.
I won't show you that I'm strong.
You can guess my emotions,
even if you say you see nothing wrong. 


What love ends like this,
running mascara, and blood pools everywhere?
You see a past lay hidden,
not bothering to know what's there.


Nothing seems to phase you,
so why should I let it phase me?
If only you could see,
what you're doing to me.

Created: Feb 17, 2011

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