RE: The Bonnie Queen

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I like your story RedHeadMonster. But I have a suggestion: You had my full attention until "And the Captain, it seems, takes to the sea to forget that he's found his lady, and he can't ever have her like he wants." For me the story ended there. I love that sentence. In such a simple and casual way, it brings me back to the beginning and sums it all up. All I wanted to do was sit there with that sentence and sink into the story with that knowledge. I struggled to read the last three paragraphs. They seemed beside the point and I felt frustrated that they took away from that beautiful moment you created with that paragraph I just quoted. Good work! I love the images and the pace of the story. I love that in a short span of time you were able to peal several layers and find a truth buried in there.

Created: Feb 15, 2011


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