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I was awake before my eyes opened, not that this was different from the last 10 days of the same routine in and out. My eyes opened and nothing changed. It must be lights out still. I thought to myself and then paused in silent shock. First was the fact that i had actually started to differentiate between the utter silence in the 13 by 8 foot box I was locked in and the mental silence within my own mind, that might be something I should meditate on later, but second was the fact that I had began to normalize this routine which had been nothing I had experienced before. I could feel the panic creeping up at the back of my throat. Like a shadow peeking from around the corners in my mind, it was seeking a weakness, a mount of clarity or a weakening in my resolve and it had almost found it. I took in a deep breath and felt the firmness that was my being, not to be confused with my body, become resolute once more. Man what I wouldn't do for some bud rn. Do I really speak in shorthand in my own head? OMG, I do. Something else I chose to stash away for another time. Movement from above me reminded me I had gotten yet another new "roomie" in the middle of the night. i dreaded hearing the sounds i knew were to come shortly and closed my eyes hoping for another dream's respite from my current circumstances when my inner eyelids lit up bright orange. The lights in the box had come on and shone brightly through the makeshift dimming curtains we'd made using our over-shirts. 


And so another day's monotony began.

Created: Jun 30, 2017


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