Far Away in my Mind

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"I'm so tired"

It was the last and the first thing she thought every day, one flowing into the next punctuated by moments of laughter with him but the rest was a blur.

She settled into bed trying to get comfortable, adjusting to relieve the pain in her bones but barely relaxing before she needed to move again to try to stretch. Her eyes closed, and what felt like moments later the alarm on her phone began to chime.

She reached for it in the dark to hit snooze, to have just a few more moments to herself before the clouds in her brain cleared and she felt everything again, thought of everything again.

Her hand felt something damp and gelatinous where her phone should have been next to her head, her eyes popped open and all she saw were swirling blue patterns something like you'd image hippies must have seen when they were tripping on their drug of choice, but she was sober - she didn't even drink, so what was wrong with her eyes?

She pushed with her left hand where the covers should have been on her shoulders and encountered the feel of fibers as if the strings of a cat's cradle had been lain over her bare skin. She was still naked, as she would have been any night crawling into bed, but this wasn't her bed, and she couldn't see anything except the blue in the black emptiness.

"Am I blind? Is this what it feels like to be blind? Are my eyes misfiring?"

"What kind of sense does that make?" she thought to herself, not being able to see wouldn't change the feel of everything around me.

She sniffed the air, it was calm and there was nothing to help her brain understand what was going on. 

She pushed up with her right hand and felt the give of something soft but firm underneath her, "Not my bed at all. But my hip doesn't hurt. Weird!" she thought, testing the range of motion in her back and neck, feeling better than she had waking up for months.

She moved her hands in front of her eyes, hoping that as they got closer they would disturb the patterns she was seeing, yet nothing changed. She poked herself in the eye trying to see her finger and winced as her eye began to burn as if she'd gotten salt water into it.

She reached out to where her phone would have been and palpated the gelatin surface then rested her hand on top to see if it would continue moving. It settled as soon as she stopped pushing into it so she attempted to poke the surface with her finger nail and bent down to smell it. Nothing.

She bent to take inventory of her body, using her hands to touch her toes "Yep, still have that ingrown toenail on my left big toe", her legs "I really do need to shave more regularly, how can you forget to shave one whole side of your leg?", her hips "Everything is the same temperature, how weird", her belly... she smiled thinking about how her children had lived in there. How soft it is and how firm it was... her breasts "Well, no lumps, that's good. But they're where they should be",  and continued up to her chin but stopped there and dropped her arms back down to her sides staring off into nothing but the blue swirling, living pattern. Then closed her eyes not wanting to see it. 

"I'm just dreaming, this is a little weird, I'll wake up" she thought, while the observers watched the comatose woman beyond the glass hooked up to wires monitoring her every thought and feeling, millions of light years from where she thought she'd gone to sleep.

Created: Jun 09, 2017


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