Depression feels like limbo

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To me, depression is less about sadness as it is about uncertainty. Many people who deal with depression don't know why they are depressed. I think that's part of why it's hard to talk about. If I knew exactly why I felt depressed, I feel like I'd be able to take steps to solve it. 

Uncertainty doesn't just facilitate my depression. It is also a direct cause. For me, I often feel trapped between decisions. I hesitate towards commitment because I worry about whether or not they will lead to happiness. The longer I wait, the more frustrated I become with myself. This is where the depression starts. 

For me, depression isn't rooted in feeling like I'm unable to accomplish something; but that I had the opportunity to, and I failed to act. I start feeling unworthy of any happiness the opportunity may have brought. I'll feel undeserving. Most of all, I again feel uncertainty. I think about what could have been, and if my unworthy feelings are accurate. 

Depression lies in between two places. It's almost like my mind is in limbo. This is why I try to constantly stay busy. As this relates to a video game, I think the uncertainty of depression can be represented as a sort of limbo. When a protagonist is on a quest/adventure, perhaps the task at hand isn't completing the quest, but simply trying to be on it. I'm imaging a game where the character is only trying to avoid limbo. It's not about finding the treasure at the top of the mountain. It's about getting to the top only long enough to chase after the mountain on the other side. 

I'm thinking of limbo being represented as an empty room. One either without doors, or doors who's content constantly changes. 

I know that's abstract. I'm not really sure what the setting or central conflicts would be. However, I hope these ideas are helpful in shaping the vision of what a possible adventure world in a depression based game would look like. 

I have not experienced depression as hopelessness. I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me that would be too decisive. Feeling like I'm in between hopelessness and happiness is what depresses me. If I was at the very bottom, then at then I'd feel like their was no pressure. I've never felt truly broken. If I had, that would motivate more than happiness. 

Created: Jun 02, 2017

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