Blurred Party Lines - 2nd Draft

Cover Image

Thanks to Resident Curators (or Residents Curator?) NottingIdiot and humberfloob for their input on the first draft.

Logline: Two Democrat parents choose to 'accept' that their three-year-old child is Republican.


DEBBIE and LOGAN are sitting on a sofa talking to camera.

DEBBIE: So I think it was last April when we first noticed something was wrong.

LOGAN: We’d just enrolled Theodore in Preschool and we were watching him interact with the other kids.

DEBBIE: Right, and we started to notice these 'behaviors'.

LOGAN: It was just little things at first: the way he looked at some of the other kids, the way he played with the toy money ...

DEBBIE: Then he started using a toy truck to ferry this lego brick around.

LOGAN: Right. I mean a truck to carry one brick, without a thought of the environmental cost.

DEBBIE: I tried to explain the concept of a carbon footprint but he didn’t seem to listen. He seemed more interested in making non-hybrid engine noises.

LOGAN: And that's when we realized …

DEBBIE: Our three-year-old son was a Republican.

LOGAN: It was a real shock, I mean we both come from families with generations of Democrat voters.

DEBBIE: At first, of course, we blamed ourselves, we clearly weren’t thinking when we named him Theodore Gerald. And that stuffed elephant we bought him?

LOGAN: But whatever the cause, we knew that we had to do something. My first instinct was to contact a child psychologist but then I realized that, as a republican, Theodore would probably view that as a liberal wishy-washy approach.

DEBBIE: So we decided to accept him for who he was. If this is his identity then we want to celebrate that.

LOGAN: I bought him all the republican gear, Trump hat, retro Romney/Bush shirts, the lot.

DEBBIE: But somehow this didn’t feel enough.

LOGAN: And that's why we put him up for adoption.

DEBBIE: It was difficult to find a family that we felt shared his values but then we found the Millers.

LOGAN: As soon as we saw the NRA sign in the yard, we knew we were taking Theodore home.

DEBBIE: Although its a long drive to visit, we were also happy to take him across state lines.

LOGAN: Right, the last thing Wisconsin needs is another Republican voter.

DEBBIE: He might not be able to vote for another fifteen years but if the Democrats are going to win back the House then you’ve got to think long-term.

Zoom out to reveal that DEBBIE is pregnant.

DEBBIE rubs her pregnant belly.

DEBBIE: I just hope we can do it right this time.

LOGAN: Just to be safe we’re naming her Hilary.

DEBBIE: [jumps] Oh!  She always starts kicking me when she hears [looks at LOGAN in horror] that name.

LOGAN: [sighs] I’ll call the Millers.

Created: May 28, 2017

Tags: sketch, comedy, republican, democrat

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