Inconvenience Store - DRAFT 2

Cover Image


ELLEN walks toward the shop door. It's an automatic door - sensor operated. As she approaches, it opens but quickly closes again so she walks right into it with a full on face plant. Dusting herself off, she tries again, this time more cautiously. The door opens and shuts quickly again but ELLEN manages to wedge an arm in the door and wiggles her way into the shop.

We notice that the sign above the door saying "CONVENIENCE STORE" in neon letters flickers on and off like a fault and finally comes back on to reveal another 2 previously invisible letters so it now reads "INCONVENIENCE STORE".


ELLEN surveys the shop. It's just one big counter with 2 fake-smiling SHOP ASSISTANTS (CLIVE & BARRY) behind the counter - like a (really) old style shop - not self service - the shop assistant has to get all your items on request. ELLEN looks unsure what to do.

ELLEN: Is there another entrance to the store?

CLIVE: Why would there be another entrance?

ELLEN: So I can.. browse?

BARRY points to a sign one the side wall "NO BROWSING".

ELLEN: OK, it's just.. I don't really know what I want. I'm trying to get my partner an anniversary present.

BARRY: Oh, you've come to the right place - we've got something for every occasion. How about a pair of brand new fingerless oven gloves?

ELLEN: Fingerless? I don't think--

CLIVE (interrupting):--No, no, no. I know what every girlfriend, sorry, partner, wants on their anniversary.. A bulk purchase of dissolvable tampons

CLIVE points to a stack of tampon boxes. Each one emblazoned with the marketing claim "dissolves seconds after application!"

ELLEN: Why would anyone want..? My partner is a guy anyway!

CLIVE: Oh, you should have just said boyfriend.

BARRY: How about these open-toed workboots?

BARRY points to a display of open toed workboots.


CLIVE: Or these rubber crowbars? They're a big seller.

ELLEN: Really?

BARRY: Well, we bought a lot of them.

ELLEN screws up her face in disapproval.

BARRY (Cont'd): Ooh, ooh! I've got the perfect gift for you. Perforated condoms.

CLIVE: When one of you wants kids but the other just needs a bit of convincing.

BARRY: Like already being pregnant.

ELLEN: What? Surely, that's illegal.


ELLEN: Just from a moral standpoint, that's wrong on a number of levels.

CLIVE: Hmm.. hard to please, huh?

BARRY: How about a Toothless Comb?


CLIVE: Inflatable Pin cushion?


BARRY: Non-stick glue?

CLIVE: Won't stick to your hands!

BARRY: Or anything else.

ELLEN: No, listen--

There’s a beeping sound on the ancient computer in front of Clive and he moves to whisper something to Barry.

Barry grabs the microphone and speaks into it, after obnoxiously clearing his throat.

BARRY: Online purchase from April 27th is ready for pick up. Please note that all perforated condoms are to be picked up on checkout counter number 3.

No one is behind counter number 3.

We can see someone timidly getting up from behind a flower vase that we hadn’t noticed before. It’s RYAN, Ellen’s partner.

ELLEN: Ryan? What-

BARRY: Hey man, I’ll be right with you. Just need to finish this sale. Not sure how long it’s gonna be, though…

Ryan just waves awkwardly at Ellen and move to counter 3.

ELLEN: Wait, are you here to pick up that order?

Ryan just stares at his feet and closes his eyes in preparation for an argument.

ELLEN: Oh my god. You got me something last week? You remembered!

Ellen jumps into Ryan’s arms and he takes it, even if a little dumbfounded.

RYAN: Of course I did, babe.

Realization suddenly hits him and he pulls back from the hug.

RYAN (CONT’D): What are you doing here?

ELLEN: I, uh, just needed to get a- rubber crowbar. Lost mine.

CLIVE: Didn’t you say you wanted to take two, just in case?

Ellen gives Clive the stink eye.

ELLEN: I did. Thank you.

Created: May 28, 2017

Tags: shorts showcase, inconvenience store, script, remix

Ines_Reis Document Media