Inconvenience Store - DRAFT 2

Cover Image


ELLEN walks toward the shop door. It's an automatic door - sensor operated. As she approaches, it opens but quickly closes again so she walks right into it with a full on face plant. Dusting herself off, she tries again, this time more cautiously. The door opens and shuts quickly again but ELLEN manages to wedge an arm in the door and wiggles her way into the shop.

We notice that the sign above the door saying "CONVENIENCE STORE" in neon letters flickers on and off like a fault and finally comes back on to reveal another 2 previously invisible letters so it now reads "INCONVENIENCE STORE".


ELLEN surveys the shop. It's just one big counter with 2 fake-smiling SHOP ASSISTANTS (CLIVE & BARRY) behind the counter - like a (really) old style shop - not self service - the shop assistant has to get all your items on request. ELLEN looks unsure what to do.

ELLEN: Is there another entrance to the store?

CLIVE: Why would there be another entrance?

ELLEN: So I can.. browse?

BARRY points to a sign one the side wall "NO BROWSING".

ELLEN: OK, it's just.. I don't really know what I want. I'm trying to get my partner an anniversary present.

BARRY: Oh, you've come to the right place - we've got something for every occasion. How about a pair of brand new fingerless oven gloves?

ELLEN: Fingerless? I don't think--

CLIVE (interrupting):--No, no, no. I know what every girlfriend, sorry, partner, wants on their anniversary.. A bulk purchase of dissolvable tampons

CLIVE points to a stack of tampon boxes. Each one emblazoned with the marketing claim "dissolves seconds after application!"

ELLEN: Why would anyone want..? My partner is a guy anyway!

CLIVE: Oh, you should have just said boyfriend.

BARRY: How about these open-toed workboots?

BARRY points to a display of open toed workboots.


CLIVE: Or these rubber crowbars? They're a big seller.

ELLEN: Really?

BARRY: Well, we bought a lot of them.

ELLEN screws up her face in disapproval.

BARRY (Cont'd): Ooh, ooh! I've got the perfect gift for you. Perforated condoms.

CLIVE: When one of you wants kids but the other just needs a bit of convincing.

BARRY: Like already being pregnant.

ELLEN: What? Surely, that's illegal.


ELLEN: Just from a moral standpoint, that's wrong on a number of levels.

CLIVE: Hmm.. hard to please, huh?

BARRY: How about a Toothless Comb?


CLIVE: Inflatable Pin cushion?


BARRY: Non-stick glue?

CLIVE: Won't stick to your hands!

BARRY: Or anything else.

ELLEN: No, listen--

ELLEN is suddenly distracted as her partner, RYAN enters the shop.

ELLEN (to RYAN): Babe?


BARRY walks under the counter and over to the stack of perforated condoms and picks up a couple of boxes.

BARRY: Hey man. We made to sure to save some of these bad boys as requested. How many boxes did you want?


ELLEN raises her eyebrows to a stuttering RYAN.

Fade out.

Created: May 23, 2017


NottingIdiot Document Media