EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
A boa constrictor lays with its body half wrapped around a tree branch while the upper half relaxes and sticks out its tongue before resting its head and awaits prey.
Below walk three people, JESSE, a young man. A young woman, BETTY ANN, who's a little chubby, and MICK, also young like Jesse and Betty Ann. Jesse leads the way. All three look disgruntled.
BETTY ANN: "Are we almost there, Jesse?!"
MICK: "Yeah, Jesse! Gettin' pretty tired of walking through this muck! All these snakes and shit!"
JESSE: "Look! I know this sucks now! But once we get to where we're going, trust me, it'll all be worth it!"
BETTY ANN: "Are we even close?!"
MICK: "Yeah, feels like we've been walking for days!"
Jesse has stopped dead, Betty Ann bumps into him, and Mick bumps inter her.
BETTY ANN: "Why we stopped?!"
MICK: "Yeah, where is this cave you've been talking about?"
Starstruck, Jesse manages to point straight ahead.
JESSE: "There it is."
Betty Ann and Mick look to where Jesse points.
Up ahead is THE CAVE, creepy looking and open, just awaiting their arrival.
Jesse approaches it but takes his time. Betty Ann and Mick stay perfectly still.
BETTY ANN: "Hey Jesse! How do you know that's the real cave?!"
MICK: "Yeah man, we've been walking a long time. It could be a mirage or something."
JESSE: (as he gets closer and closer) "Oh this is it alright."
BETTY ANN: "How do you know?!"
Jesse stops before the cave opening, reaches and grabs the vines that surround the opening of the cave and pulls them off. Revealing that it's actually a stone statue head of a monkey. The opening is the monkey's mouth.
BETTY ANN: "Oh."
MICK: "So it is."
Jesse's about take a step in, but holds his foot and looks back at Betty Ann and Mick.
JESSE: "You guys comin'?"
Betty Ann and Mick look at each other, waiting for one of them to speak up.
JESSE: "Betty Ann? Mick? We've came all this way to get what we came for and now we're here."
Betty Ann and Mick are still hesitant.
JESSE: "Well I'm going in. Ya'll can join me or walk all the way back. I'm sure the captain's still waiting. It's only been five days."
Betty Ann and Mick look at each other again and have no choice. They make their way over.
INT. CAVE - CORRIDOR
Jesse, Betty Ann, and Mick walk through cautiously.
They enter a--
That's pitch black dark.
BETTY ANN: (O.S.) "So what now, Dr. Jones?"
MICK: (O.S.) "Yeah, before we walk into a trap or something."
JESSE: (O.S.) Shut up and you'll see. OOH EEE OOH AHH AHH!!!"
Fires are lit down a row of candles on each side of the room. They lead towards a large monkey statue that animates to life. The money wears a turban.
MONKEY: "I AM GRANT THE GREAT APE! WHO HAS WAKENED ME?!"
Neither Jesse, Betty Ann, or Mick want to answer. Betty Ann and Mick shove Jesse up front.
JESSE: "Uh, I did super simian!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "WHO ARE YOU?!"
JESSE: (gulps) "Jesse!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "VERY WELL, JESSE! YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR AND SPOKEN THE EXACT WORDS TO ARISE ME FROM MY SLUMBER! THEREFORE I, GRANT THE GREAT APE, SHALL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES!"
Betty Ann and Mick don't like that.
BETTY ANN: "HEY?!"
MICK: "YEAH WHAT ABOUT US, MAN!"
BETTY ANN: "JESSE DIDN'T GET THIS FAR ON HIS OWN!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "SILENCE!!!"
Betty Ann and Mick listen and even hold each other in fright.
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "WHO ARE YOU TWO?!"
BETTY ANN: "I'm Betty Ann!"
MICK: "And I'm Mick!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "SINCE THERE ARE THREE OF YOU! YOU EACH WISHES!"
Jesse, Betty Ann, and Mick celebrate.
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "ONE WISH EACH!"
JESSE, BETTY ANN, AND MICK: "WHAT?!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "THERE ARE THREE OF YOU! YOU EACH GET A WISH! THAT'S THREE WISHES! AM I CLEAR?!"
Jesse, Betty Ann, and Mick look at each other.
JESSE: "Better than nothing I guess."
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "NOW! WHO'S FIRST?!"
Jesse and Betty Ann shove Mick up.
MICK: (back at Jesse and Betty Ann) "I was going to go first anyway!"
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "STEP UP HERE!"
Grant The Great Ape extends its paw.
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "NOW HOLD MY PAW AND MAKE YOUR WISH!"
Mick holds the gigantic paw.
MICK: "I wish I was rich!"
Mick squints his eyes.
INT. CASTLE - BEDROOM - DAY
Mick opens his eyes and sits up in a large bed. He looks around this large extravagant bedroom. He gets excited.
MICK: "IT WORKED! HA! HA!"
He stands and jumps on his bed.
MICK: "I'M RICH! RICH! RICH! RICH! RICH! RICH! RICH! RICH!"
He plops down.
MICK: "Silly to think this, but I wonder what I do to get such a fortune?"
EXT. VILLAGE - DAY
A village woman screams her head off before running away in terror. Knights chase villagers around, if they don't, they're abducting women and children. The knights that aren't doing that are setting homes on fire.
Mick, now dressed as a king, sits atop a horse, looking horrified.
The village men are shoved forcefully to the ground, they throw gold schillings to Mick, the king.
MICK: "THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANTED! THIS ISN'T HOW I WANTED TO MAKE MY FORTUNE!"
DISSOLVE BACK TO:
INT. THE CAVE - ROOM
It's now Jesse and Betty Ann.
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "WHO'S NEXT?!"
Betty Ann steps on.
GRANT THE GREAT APE: "SAME THING, BETTY ANN! HOLD MY PAW AND YOUR WISH SHALL COME TRUE ONCE IT'S MADE!"
Grant The Great Ape once again extends its paw, which is held by Betty Ann.
BETTY ANN: "I wished I was loved by men! Any man!"
Betty Ann's asleep but has a smile on her face like she's dreaming the best dream that could be dreamed.
A HUNK of a man leans in and gives her a kiss on the cheek, waking her up. She looks up at him and her smile does not disappear.
Her hunk wears nothing but underwear and is nothing but muscle.
BETTY ANN: "Hi."
HUNK: "I love you, Betty Ann."
BETTY ANN: "Prove it."
The hunk gives her kisses again. From her cheek to neck.
ANOTHER HUNK leans in and kisses her on the other cheek, surprising Betty Ann.
BETTY ANN: (to Another Hunk) "Oh! Hi!"
ANOTHER HUNK: "I love you, Betty Ann."
BETTY ANN: "I love you, two."
He works her other side.
She closes her eyes and is in heaven.
BETTY ANN: "Oh! That tickles! Wait!"
She opens her eyes and looks down. At the bottom of the bed and kissing her feet is EVEN ANOTHER HUNK.
EVEN ANOTHER HUNK: "I love you, Betty Ann."
And even another hunk rises from the bottom of the bed and begins licking the toes on her other foot.
AND EVEN ANOTHER HUNK: "I love you, Betty Ann."
Betty Ann is starting to look worried.
An assembly line of hunks start entering the room, just one after the other.
HUNKS: "I love you, Betty Ann. I love you, Betty Ann. I love you, Betty Ann. I love you, Betty Ann."
They all climb into bed with her.
BETTY ANN: (between kisses) "Wait! This is...mmm...too much!....mmm...Too...mmm much... mmm...man!...THIS IS TOO MUCH MAN!"
Betty Ann gets buried in a pile of hunks.
DISSOLVE BACK TO:
INT. THE CAVE - ROOM
Grant the Great Ape eyes Jesse. Jesse looks down and there lies the bodies of Mick and Betty Ann.
JESSE: (looking down at Mick and Betty Ann) "Hmm, looks like my wish was already made. But I'll give this a go, anyway. (looks up at Grant The Great Ape) How 'bout three more wishes?! Oh yeah, I gotta hold your paw!"
Created: May 20, 2017DavidTesterman Document Media