HE'S STILL DEAD // quite_convincing Script Ideas
Here are just some quick ideas that I had for the HE'S STILL DEAD script that quite_convincing wrote. Such a good start! He took it in such a great direction. I think the characters and the bones of the story are there - just needs a bit more work to really get it right.
So here are some initial notes and ideas I had when I read the script. Take these or leave these! But this is where my mind went when I read it..
- Overall I think this should be shorter and tighter. Aim for 2-3 minutes, max.
- Needs a stronger ending. Currently it kind of trails off with Rush continuing his narration. I think this story needs a stronger ending. Some sort of twist or punchline that can wrap up the whole thing.
- I really like the way the environment reacts to the narration, constantly changing and adapting. We should try to lean into creative ways to do this as this will serve as our visual comedy.
- In general, we should jump right into the story rather than staying on small details. So rather than small pieces coming together, let's make larger leaps that can then be corrected by Grace.
- That said, the back and forth between them is great. We should keep it snappy and fast, like a good Sherlock scene would be.
- DETECTIVE RUSH:
- I think we can lean into how pompous Detective Rush is. He constantly takes Grace's suggestions and appropriates them as his own, never really acknowledging his mistakes.
- I see him as a wannabe Sherlock character - more infatuated by the romance of Detective work than the actual work itself. He LOVES the pomp and circumstance of deducing grand conclusions from tiny details that only HE notices.
- That said - he should not draw is conclusions from nothing. Instead, I think he should be focusing in on tiny details and then drawing the most grand, far-fetched conclusion from them. (ie. Half empty glass = Murdered).
- Conversely, Grace should act as Rush's foil. She is focused on the work and what she can touch and see around her.
- While Rush bases his conclusions off of small details, Grace draws her conclusions from physical evidence that she finds on and around the body (forensic evidence, physiology, etc)
- She is the real brains behind the operation. She is constantly correcting and steering Rush into the right direction.
- She is the one making educated deductions from the evidence she sees. Again, real clues and evidence that she sees on or around the body.
- I think there can be equal weight put on evidence found on the body and found around the environment.
- In general, I think the story should begin focused on the body and then expand from there.
- I think a rule should be that Rush and Grace primarily observes what is around them. For example, it's okay for them to look through a couple letters but not look through the victims computer.
- They should not rely too much of the environmental cues though. Much of the conclusions should be drawn from evidence, instead of handed to them from the clues.
Created: May 10, 2017