Am I dying too soon?

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Life of a 16 year old can be very tough. You are expected to be perfect. You need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend because that's the trend. You need to be cool.

As I'm living the blooming days of my life, there is something that keeps me bothering. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have the perfect skin. My face is scarred with acne. My hair is messy. Maybe I'm a little bit ugly too but honestly I don't care. I have this big fear in my mind that haunts me every day. It's not that I may stay lonely forever or never be a perfect human or fail to live a happy life. What does it even mean to be a perfect human? Is it about the skin? Does a happy life means to get a degree, settle in with someone and breed more humans? No one is perfect. No one is happy. These are just concepts we humans created to make the world we live in, the way we want it to be. We want it to be easy and limited. I bet when the first humans were created, no one gave a damn about looks. Or even being happy. 

There are things beyond my physical existence that I believe I have to care about. Sometimes I want to cry over my fate. I see the sky and the star. The moon. They all are inviting us to come visit them. All the black holes out there, the unknown creatures trying to reach us. Will I ever be able to go beyond the blue sheet that spreads over me? Is the skyline I see my limit? Am I born too soon to escape? Will I ever say proudly that yes, it is a fact that God exists? Or will I ever be able to revisit my beliefs and regret my ignorance? Will I always watch Interstellar and Space Odyssey and obsess how amazing our universe is? What if the truth is that they all were fiction, mere piece of crap. What if I'll be too lost in my life and one day marry the man of my dreams and breed some kids and die eventually. Was that all? Will I ever experience the time dilation, zero-gravity and space-travel? Will I visit the Mars? Am I ever going to have drops of Jupiter in my hair and will I ever dance by the milky way? Maybe, one day, I'll be in a hospital. I'll be taking my last breaths, telling my kids to break the limits. Because all our universe can ever do is expand. We have to expand our limits and boundaries too. Let's get lost. Let's get lost in space. May be we'll meet God on our way or you know He'll find us.   

Created: May 08, 2017

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