The Belching Store Clerk

Cover Image


A clerk stands at the counter, opens a can of soda, chugs it halfway, sets it down, clicks a new foil top in place and sets it aside.

Customer walks in. Door chimes.

CLERK: Welcome to the Market, sir. What can I help you with today? :Belches:

CUSTOMER: I need batteries, thanks.

CLERK: Batteries! I’ve got just what you need. 

:Takes out a long blister pack of batteries:  

They look like there’s one of every size.

CUSTOMER: I need 4 double A’s.

CLERK: Sure thing. 

:Reaches and gets 3 more blister packs

There you go, once you open these up, you’ll have four double A batteries.

CUSTOMER: don’t you have something smaller? I only need that size.

CLERK: :opens another can of soda: Nope. Batteries are one of my specialties. If you only buy one size, you’ll be stuck the next time you need another. So I got the idea to make a variety pack! 

:Chugs soda half way, sets it down, clicks a new foil top in place and sets it aside

CUSTOMER: I see. Well, I don’t need those other sizes today, thanks. Just the double A’s

CLERK: No-can-do. Batteries are not labeled for individual sale, you see? 

:Cracks open another soda:

CUSTOMER: But these packs are expensive. And there's only one of every size in there. If you made a variety pack, can’t you make me a pack of double A’s?

CLERK :belching, repeats the recapping routine on this third can of soda:

No sir, I’m afraid I can’t. Anything else I can get you today? Soda perhaps?

CUSTOMER: you certainly seem to be enjoying it.

CLERK: it’s fantastic. And I’ve come up with the perfect solution for the obesity epidemic.


CLERK: half cans! Here’s six pack of soda for just $1.99! Already taste tested! 

CUSTOMER: but those are all half empty? And you drank them! They’re full of your germs and the carbonation will be ruined! Who wants half-drunk cans of soda?

CLERK: people who like variety packs of batteries?

Created: May 03, 2017

Tags: sketch, comedy, inconvenience store

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