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I've found myself very unmotivated lately as I'm about to turn 28 and felt like I have never been able to stick something substantial in the career I've wanted. I'm not unmotivated in the sense that I've become complacent...more of a hopelessness clawing from under my eyelids that is ever present. I've abandoned ship from many careers in order to land something with more promise, but I usually find myself on a deserted island in another location. I'm debating about going back to school (perhaps another fool's errand) or just giving up safety and outright pursuing a career in something I'd like to do rather than what will provide me with a secure life.  I've done this in the past with no success, but it gives me some kind of emotional fulfillment and maybe I just wasn't trying hard enough? People often tell me I'm doing something wrong or that I'm not working hard enough, but I feel like I've been working hard towards my goals and have seen others who worked less achieve what I've wanted to do.  The lack of encouragement or concrete opportunity to capitalize on the past few years has left me drowning in my own mediocrity. I've lost my collaborators and support over the years that I used to have and I've had to go it alone for so long it has substantially cut into my ability to produce what I want and have lost passion for said things. I guess I just want to figure things out, like have an answer key given to me or somebody to tell me what to do, some kind of guidance  so I no longer am trudging in this hamster wheel of my own dread.

Created: May 02, 2017


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