The Peanut Butter Addict

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Hi. My name is Andrew and I’m addicted to peanut butter. It’s delicious and has no trans fat. Sometimes at night I sneak out of my bedroom, walk silently down the hallway into the kitchen. I’ve gotten so smooth I don’t need to turn the lights on anymore. I know exactly what the peanut butter jar feels like; It’s the sticky one in the cabinet. Have you ever eaten a triple decker peanut butter sandwich and I’m not talking about any of that jelly bullshit. All peanut butter. You’ll feel that one in the morning.

Sometimes I have nightmares of little green men wearing tall white chef hats, shoving nuts in my mouth. I used to go to Costco every day and buy gargantuan vats of Skippy. Organic. I’m trying to watch my figure. There was a time when I didn’t know East from West. In college I went to a rave party and ended up doing spoons of Jiffy in the bathroom. When I woke up the next morning, there were bread crumbs all over the bed, crusted peanut butter in the corner of my mouth, and a strange man sleeping next to me. I couldn’t remember how I got there and I still feel violated.

I’m just looking for a place where people understand me. Somewhere I won’t be judged. I know I’m sick. But I don’t have insurance and I can’t afford to keep up this destructive lifestyle. Peanut butter is always on my mind. Crunchy, creamy, honey roasted! I love them all damn it. I love them all.

Created: Dec 22, 2010

Tags: alcohol abuse, nightmares, monologue, addiction, peanut butter, organic, coming out cake gay pride freedom teafaerie love d

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