This time was supposed to be different…he thought to himself.
The cold damp air blew against his face and he drew his over coat up close around his neck. “This time was to be different” he murmured making his slow decent down the grey stone stairs that lay in front of his old Victorian style apartment.
Andrew drew in deep breath and held it for a moment stopping at the bottom stair. With a release, he painfully let it out and watched has his life drifted away in the morning’s breeze.
Maybe I should back up at this point. For I feel that our story is already at the point where you might find yourself asking, “My God, this poor fellow must be dreadfully depressed or close to ending his life.”
I assure you that only one of these is true, you need not worry though, for I will not be taking my own life for this is not that type of story.
Let me take you to a happier moment in my memory and perhaps you will understand why we find our self buried in this situation…yes buried beneath this broken figure we see before ourselves lies the heart of a man that is still fight for a chance at love.
You see some time ago or man Andrew here discovered something about life. Now, I show you this picture because while Andrew’s first kiss was in the back of a school bus at the age of six he was far too young to realize the implications of what a kiss could mean. You see Andrew here, the young brown haired fellow with green eyes and a whit about him that compares to no one has grown up since those days on the school bus. Yet, part of him desires to be that young boy again.
Here we see Andrew much older than his days of young, when he would fancy a kiss by a young school girl. Andrew grew up not really knowing what love was. He watched all the movies, where the nice guy gets the girl in the end, or the tough guy gets his just deserts…yet there was something missing. Andrew wasn’t getting what he felt belonged to him. For many years passed before he would kiss a girl again.
This time we see Andrew intertwined in a relationship that he didn’t start. This was not the story book definition of love at all. Nor was this definition of love any type of love at all. This did not last Andrew very long and he soon became aware that his life was not meant for such actions. Andrew then decided that college would suit him…
This is where we find Andrew now. Enjoying the company of a college girl. Both Andrew and his friend are enjoying each other’s company and things seem to be going in the right direction. For now at least Andrew is happy and almost feels that if God ordained such things, this such thing would be in fact ordained.
But, as you might have suspected our friend Andrew here, well…he is out of luck. There was not much to this relationship, of big talk, and rings, well…just didn’t last and after a few months things went away. Andrew was not the happiest of fellows but he soon regained his position, pulled himself up, and was soon walking tall.
You see there is something that I much mention about our friend Andrew. I don’t know if this is too late to mention at this point but I feel that it is important none the less. Our friend Andrew doesn’t think to highly of himself. I know, look at him, despite being suck at the bottom of those steps we left him on earlier he is not as bad as some and certainly is better than most. Our friend here really shouldn’t feel like a terrible mess but he has the feeling that if God ordained a meeting of two people, well He certainly saw everything that Andrew has done over the years. Our friend here, assumes this is just payback for those unseen by most but seen by …well…Him.
For some reason at this point in his life our friend Andrew gave up on the idea of love…well not completely of course but it was definitely on hold for the time being. Andrew didn’t have time for the games that girls sometimes play so he left them to play while he focused on his studies.
Then the day came. The day that changed everything. The day that sent Andrew out into the cold dark December day. Andrew met a friend. Oh but she was more than a friend. She was a small piece of heaven wrapped up gently in the frame of a young girl with golden hair. The face of an angel placed right here on Earth. The form of some celestial cosmic transcendent figure that was wound together b the hands of God himself. This was no ordinary being, this was something special, and something created with the love of a master craftsman.
And look…she is sitting right next to our friend. Oh I think he has noticed. Oh he has quickly noticed. Can you feel his heart beating in his chest right now? Oh my…Andrew? Andrew!? Oh dear, I don’t think he can hear us…oh no! I believe he has fallen…oh my…Andrew!!
No, he is gone; he has been taken away by the dreams of a thousand men. By the hopes and desires of all the nations of the world. God himself cannot save Andrew now! Andrew has been taken down the path of which there is no return. He has opened the door to the tiger’s cage, he has no whip or chair to do battle, just his heart. He is gone.
I think we need to step back, take a break, and try to determine what is going on here. Andrew it seems by all we know has fallen…fallen in love!
This was four years ago. Four long years ago. Look there is Andrew again…what is going on? The two are sitting together on a couch talking. But there isn’t a look of joy on Andrew’s face.
You see this is where Andrew and is friend talked about Andrew’s feelings. Something that Andrew rarely did. This conversation did not go as you might think but I don’t want you to worry. Andrew’ friend did give him a chance at love. There was some time between this awkward couch conversation and I think that we shall forward through the parts where Andrew had to fight feelings, and fight times when he wouldn’t get his chance. He did get his chance so let’s get to that part. That part of the story is happy. Believe me, it was a very happy time…
It’s dark, it’s chilly I believe that it is January. Andrew and his friend are sitting next to each other.
“I just don’t know what to do. I feel so torn right now. I feel like I know what God wants me to do and at the same time I just don’t know” – Andrew
“You know, I feel so bad for him, his mom just died and we have been friends for many years. This is going to be so hard for him. I just don’t know what to do.” – Andrew’s Friend
The night was long and the talk was deep. Feelings where tossed around and the air was just right. One kiss led to another. One bit of passion was all it took for the two to begin the dance. First he led then she led. The music in their minds led them down a path that was long and winding. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes and knew nothing was going to tear them apart from this one single moment in time, this one single event would take their hands and walk them down a path of love for each other. Nothing except for the keys of the janitor.
Andrew! It’s 6am! You need to get your friend out of here without being noticed. I tell you this, our friend Andrew, did not think this one through at all. Quickly run to your car and get out of that place. Man that was way to close. But no worries your cover isn’t blown. You made it out this time, you’ll make it out the next one hundred times, but we won’t tell him that. That will just be our secret. We don’t want our friend to get too cocky.
But now you are asking, why is Andrew on the verge of sending himself into a deep den of depression reserved for women who collect cats and old men who live high in the mountains with nothing but snow and bears? You see this friendship didn’t last…well I should say it lasted a year. It lasted a year and a couple of days but it was a year none the less.
You see now our friend Andrew is alone. This is a common stop for him, or I should say it will be but we mustn’t tell him. You see Andrew will once have a chance. You see this one year. It’s going to lead somewhere. Andrew will regain his step, the color will return to his face and he will move on past the existence that he sees before him now. Don’t give up hope on our poor boy yet he will find his place again within the halls of the great loves of the world soon enough.
There he is, it’s been almost a year since that awful awful time in Andrew’s life. It was truly bad. But like I said he was no worse for wear and he came too quicker than a dog being alerted to the presence of a stranger.
Oh wait, who is that? Is that…Andrew…do you see who that is?? Will someone please get his attention! I feel that he is not responding to our voice anymore! Andrew, dear God my boy! It’s her! Andrew, it’s that celestial cosmic transcendent figure…the hair, the eyes, oh dear me…I think we have lost him again. There is no returning from this you know? Once you go down that path, you won’t be able to stop…
It has happened again. And I fear with the same person. Andrew, I know that love is something not to be toyed with but dear me, I think that we will not be able to turn back time.
Andrew and his friend are back together. This time, I feel uneasy about it. You see I know where Andrew is going to be a few months from now and I know that he is not looking at the future. Well, he is, but I fear that the future he sees is not clear or well thought out.
But he has done it again. Fallen down that deep deep rabbit hole that I fear has taken many a lives.
Andrew has fallen in love once again and this time
“It’s all going to be different!” – Andrew
Those days flew by wrapped in blankets, building forts made of sheets and pillows. Taking just enough time to come up for air before plunging deeply back into the pool. You know the feel, when you know you need to breathe but not breathing is just so much more exciting.
Time came and went, and the sun set far off the horizon much like it did every day. But there are tears in our friend’s eyes. Tears of pain but not heartbreak… oh no…we must stop at this part. You need to see how this plays…
You see this is their last night together. It’s going to be the last night they spend, the warmth of their bodies, their skin touching, the look in her eyes.
“Things will be ok, I swear it, and I won’t let you get away this time. I promise before everything I hold dear, my love that you and I will spend our last days walking though picture filled rooms, the sound of our grandchildren filling the house. The leaky sink that I fixed and that loose board that creaks every time we walk across the bedroom floor. The lamp in the living room that doesn’t turn on right away and the stairs to the upstairs that you fell down once while I was at work. Remember! You called me and I ran out of a meeting to see you laughing on the kitchen floor…we cried together and we love together those are the things that we will make of our life. Those memories that no one can take from us, the feelings, and sounds, the sights and the smells. Those are ours. No one will ever take those from us! I swear to you that I will fight for you and never let you go!”
Our friends are here, they are lying next to each other. And I believe him. The look in his eyes, the look in her eyes. Travel the world and I will promise you that you will never see in a moment more love than this. This is Andrew’s last stand for love. He is up against a foe that wants nothing more than to leave his tired helpless body strewn across the pavement. But he will fight, he will not give up.
Andrew was his strongest in that moment. He believed everything he said in the one second. That night could have lasted one thousand years and it wouldn’t have been long enough. The emotion of that moment could not and I dare say should not even be bottled. I fear there isn’t anything strong enough to hold that!
But that night had to end much like all do I suppose. With its ending began the beginning of something new and terrible. I almost feel that it is much too sad to tell you for you already see…Andrew is walking down the stairs already. His frame beaten and bruised…his heart left cold and darkened. You see, I must tell you something terribly dreadful.
Andrew’s friend left him that night and never did come back…yes yes there were phone conversations and video chats. There were letters written and talks of personal visits. But you see that all broke down. The distance of two loves can sometimes be too distant. Times change and so do people, but I feel that is almost to cliché for our friend here. Andrew deserves that peace of mind that he can return to his apartment at night with something more than the thought of yet another day before him. Yet that is where we find our friend.
Andrew is leaving his apartment alone once again. The cold air blowing against his face. Andrew pulls his coat up tight around his neck to protect himself from the biting air.
“This time was supposed to be different” – Andrew
Created: Dec 05, 2010arawk Document Media