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**I own the intellectual property to this story**

Here come the skeletons of my freshman year - I thought the rum would make me forget.

So one “thirsty” Thursday night during the first month of college, everyone was still awkward and getting unnecessarily shwasted. I had been trying to spit game at hot hipster chicks all night, but the pot and whiskey were stunting my smooth talking potential. Unnerved by my inability to ensure a one-night stand, I headed back to my room to call it a night. The best thing to do when you don’t get a girl is to sit by yourself in your room and play video games, especially on Ambien. Here’s my philosophy on Ambien - it basically enables you to disregard all social norms and accepted behavior. It makes life more…interesting. In my humble opinion, it’s the best thing you can do for your self-confidence. So I took the Ambien and was trying to fall asleep, when my roommate came into the room and offered me a joint. After the J we both left my room to smoke a cigarette outside, when I spotted this girl who I had been flirting with earlier. She wasn’t that hot, but on Ambien boobs were the greatest thing next to the iTunes visualizer. I'm pretty sure I just muttered nonsense at her, but it worked out well since we were suddenly locked in a heated tonsil hockey match. When it started raining, we ran to some random person’s bed where we continued to make out and fool around. Lost in the dorm room smell of old beer and an unwashed sea of blankets, I suddenly heard an unfamiliar girl say to us “Mind if I join?” I didn’t even register what was said...I just simply blurted out “word!” or it could have been “word?” , but actually it was probably more like “wooooooooorrrrrrddddd.” So I’m living the dream when this other girl gets in bed and starts hooking up with both of us...but the next thing I know I’m standing alone in the hallway in my boxers with no idea what has happened. I managed to stumble back to my room to pass out, and woke up 13 hours later smiling to myself and thinking “that was a fucked up dream.” Only when I received a text message saying “last night was fun” from an unknown number did I realize that college rocked...or maybe Ambien rocked. I'm not sure, maybe it’s a combo.

Fret Iver,
College Freshman

Created: Nov 18, 2010


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