sasha sequin's secret

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SASHA is torn now. She knows nothing of this SPARROW. Why is she feeling this way? A foolish thing. I know what I want. I know WHO I want. It is NED. It has always been Ned. She holds the portrait in front of her. Tears splatter onto the old frame.

I remember when you used to look at me that way, she says to the fading piece of paper. I remember when that steely stare was directed at me.

And oh, the intensity, she thought.

It’s not too late. Sure, maybe he thinks of me just as that girl who had a crush on him when we were in school, but I’m not that awkward little girl anymore and my love for him hasn’t faded. Surely he’s noticed that I can’t keep my eyes off him. I’ve never missed a town meeting and I always sit in the front row. But then, it is Ned after all, there are always those things that he just doesn’t seem to notice. Maybe he doesn’t know.

She thinks for a moment. He doesn’t know does he? Why was I so foolish to wait for him? How could I expect him to notice me when he has so many other important issues on his mind?

She takes a breath. It’s not too late.

She goes to the sink to wash the tears from her eyes then heads out the door.

MR. NEEDLE will see you now. The receptionist tells her in a disinterested monotone.

Thanks, Trisha. She says.

TRISHA TAPEMEASURE, she thinks to herself. I’ve known her as long as I can remember and now she acts like she’s never seen me before.
She walks past her and into Ned’s office.

Hello Sasha, what can I help you with?

Help me with… she says, more to herself than Ned.

She straightens her spine and prepares herself for what she’s about to say. But what IS she about to say?, she thinks. Then before she can put any reasonable words together she sputters…

I love you, Ned.

The statement provokes a slight exhalation of air from Ned and in that moment, the pain comes back.

Yes, SASHA, he says.

Yes, what?

Another sigh. I know how you feel Sasha.

What do you mean? She hears herself saying.

Everyone knows how you feel Sasha, It’s no secret.

But… she’s starting to feel like that awkward little girl again, only this time there is no intensity in the eyes looking back at her… You used to love me, Ned.

We we’re kids, Sasha.

She wishes she could just stop talking, turn around and walk out the door but the words just seem to keep falling out of her mouth.

Don’t you remember that day by the TREE OF HEARTS. You told me you…

You mean the NEVERNOTWUZ TREE? His voice sounding surprisingly condescending now. God, I swear it’s like walking on eggshells with that god-damned tree!

But you grew up here Ned, don’t you believe in the tree?

BELIEVE? He says, It’s just a tree! It doesn’t need me to believe in it. It’s just a tree, Sasha!

She can’t believe what she’s hearing. Now, she says to herself, just walk out now. But her feet seem impervious to her request.

You know what that story is all about, don’t you? The secret in the seeds?

Of course I do, Ned.

No, I mean the REAL meaning.

Now I don’t know what you’re saying.

Look, the seeds are just seeds. You plant them in the ground, another tree grows. The seeds, the tree, the flower, the fruit, the seeds and then another tree. It’s about life and death, it’s symbolic, but it’s just a story!

I know it’s symbolic, Ned. And I know it’s a story.

But it’s not MAGIC!

How do you know, Ned?

We know what we know! And there are ways to know things!
Now he’s getting exasperated. It’s just NOT that’s all!

Sasha just stares at him. Who is this person? Surely not the same Ned.

Look, Sasha, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be directing this at you. It’s just… yes, yes, I’ve lived here all my life and it’s the one thing I just can’t handle. It never ends you know, you can’t get away from it.

Get away from it….?

I can’t base my life on a fairy tale, that’s all! And I can’t be with someone who does.

At last, her feet have heard her desperate plea and she turns to leave.

I’m getting married, he says.

She grabs the doorknob and heads out the door.

I’m sorry, Sasha.

As she walks down the street the tears stream down her face. When she gets to the park she turns back to look at City Hall.

She speaks:

We floated
through the cool,
paradise of the stars.

We kissed underneath
the light
of the meteorites.
We kissed amongst dreaming
We kissed along the shadows
of the moon.

I loved you.

We floated
through the cool
paradise of love.

We walked
amidst the
aching, violent
turmoil of Earth.

You held my hand
through darkness
I could not explain.
You held my hand
while I tried to sleep.
You held my hand
when I cried for Paradise.

We walked
amidst the
aching, violent turmoil
of living.

I loved you.

I loved you.

[The Universality of Us by phenomenaa]

Created: Oct 27, 2010


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