“I think I get it now”
Now. This and now. A standstill moment.
I couldn’t even think of writing. Nay, I couldn’t even think. But I didn’t need to.
Life just was. Plainly magnificent, it stood like an endless tower, an infinitely intricate Beatle.
Time was easy to not think about then…
The sun setting over the nameless hills, the wind in my curls, a smile on my face... I didn’t know time, but I knew it was far away.
And to know without thinking! How truly wonderful that was. A certainty unusual purified my headfull of doubts. And, like a child reassured by the great mother, I felt at ease and confident with myself. The troubled mind put to rest.
I wish that understanding unto myself once again― and to everyone I know and don’t know.
For it was truly a gift sent with most love and affection.
But alas! Time reenters now, and only with its not so charming presence will we move forward (if that’s what it is) in our attainment of this timeless bliss. Till then I invite you to pass the time reading my earthly and perhaps confused musings about this very thread that binds us all in its perplexity.
Martín Cantolla Gallardo
What if you could change time?
Go back and undo your mistakes... but still be wiser from the learning? Clavietika remembered only too well the polite rejection. It hadn't been long ago... The pursuit became an obsession. But if it is love?... If it was a good thing... wasn't its acquisition worthwhile? The truth stood out like a thorn in the palm. If only something had warned her.
"I'm just... fine and happy as I am"
She'd realize too late, the words ringing unearthly in her heart. A house of cards would come crashing down and points of view unconsidered would leave her questioning the ghostly ruins of her hopes.
"What if you could change time?"
Go back but Clavietika's mistake was her own. Now as the illusory remains of the deck vanish, she understands that action is what binds these cards together.
Her emptiness stood out against the packed bookshelves. One day she'd look back to find she wasn't blank at all… if only she knew then. But pains needed to recede---- or a change of heart? The last shred of a card she refused to let go. Miracles do happen and illusions are illusions only. Contradiction was all she could muster.
The card she was holding onto was an engagement to the past. It blocked off the new opportunities that life presented. A broken hourglass is no good and pictures only know how to fade. She knew.
Clavietika swallowed hard.
Memories of sweet nothings that very well could have happened flashed in her head. The void was suffocating. She wanted to convince herself so fervently. She wanted to believe (make believe because nothing was there). Save one drunken kiss and a confused morning. That was her one tangible moment and it was her’s to savour. It tasted mild, like rum and disappointment.
The sudden picture took her by surprise.
The heavy ring grew light like a distant memory (or a snowflake) on her palm, and with a solemn smile on her face, Clavietika bid it farewell as the warm breeze rose to take it away.
She felt relief at the moment, but the past is hard to properly leave behind.
A starry night. Laughter could be heard around a distant bonfire and the sand was cool to the touch. Sitting on a lifeguard’s chair, a pitiful embrace. Unfortunate timing splitting would-be couples with no hint of regret.
“I can’t be with you right now”
Perhaps at some other time they would meet again.
They didn’t know and the remorseless clocks were too careful these days. Keep them guessing, rot in uncertainty, wrought in uncertainty, you’ll never know.
Perhaps at a later time they would meet.
He felt like a king. Last night, or rather just four hours ago, he was taking home a cute blonde he met at the bar. Cerpin had nothing to lose and was satisfied his life was finally falling into place.
Cerpin was trying to forget.
He thought this would erase her. King of fools, Cerpin knew deep down only time would release his heart.
He felt immature; and lonely. Above all else he felt lonely. But he was immature and how much time do I have to wait anyway? He was so sick of waiting. If king of nothing else, Cerpin was king of impatience. After all, he had cursed himself. How stupid he must have felt.
Poor lonely king, if only he knew…
“I have to leave you. I need to go find myself.”
…soon enough he would find the king.
“It’s definitely a daunting thing. At least to me it is… For example… we are born; then we grow, we develop, we stronger and more capable; and then… we start losing it, get old, grow weak, we die.
In this way, time is cyclical. Similar situations occur with other living things…
However, when dealing with the world at large time just seems to move forward. Scientists say it is due to entropy, the tendency of everything to move from a very organized state into randomness. There are far more random states than organized ones, and as such, boulder becomes rock becomes pebbles become sand. Where is ‘sand has baby boulders waiting to grow’? No cycle. Nothing seems to be here to last. And yet, when I am hurt, I heal. Time going backwards to undo my mistake. A daunting thing…”
The pursuit became an obsession. He had left someone so dear to him behind in the search of the king. Something was missing. And if I couldn’t find it, would it all have been in vain? Cerpin needed, like nothing before, to find the king. Only he could redeem him for what he had done.
Cerpin painted for miles secretly hoping he would get it, but the elusive king was always a step ahead. Where are you?! (Where am I?)
“you look everywhere but not inside you”
Cerpin was tired, he could not sleep. Lying on his bed he wondered if he could change time. His struggle had been a long one and he felt like giving up and maybe I made a mistake, maybe I should have stayed.
At a mutual friend’s birthday they met again. Unexpected reencounter, it had been months. Perhaps time ticks different for people are unique. One trying to catch the other like the ocean at play. The sinusoidal clocks seemed to be flowing at a closer (a more intimate) pace.
“The wanting comes in waves”
A promise to see you later. He was happy.
Perhaps his waiting has not been in vain. If the winter could conserve and bring that memory back alive, so could he put his wants in a jar and freeze them solid.
He was happy to go slow; an unyielding glacier.
“I asked her out for a drink one time and discovered she was just like me. It was ridiculous… we call each other ‘clone’ now. I really like her… I’m pretty sure she likes me too”
Clavietika felt lost. Her search had been a long one, yet there stood the girl of her dreams.
She was like a mirror for her; same doubts, same fears, same ideals. She was happy she could look at herself so clearly at last. Heavensent mirror, she was all she ever wanted.
Every night, Clavietika would come home and think too much. Illusions are illusions only; dreams, but miracles do happen. For every dream she would place one more card. One more hope.
The ephemeral tower loomed ominously… much too big, even for illusions.
I need to get it clear in my head.
Clavietika foresaw the fragility of her construction and sought to materialize it. She had to confront.
“… so that’s what I think”
“I’m just really enjoying myself lately. I’m fine and happy as I am”
A house of cards would come crashing down.
“I’m just really enjoying myself lately. I’m fine and happy as I am”
Cerpin was so envious. That was all he really desired, and to say it like that with such disdain! Was it really that simple? Maybe I’m being too obsessive… and maybe I must let it come?
His proposal seemed rather unfulfilling, but with time it would sink in.
“[Patience] and watch the seeds in your head
begin to grow around you.
A forest so lush.”
She will learn many things with time.
Always so eager, so pressing.
“Fruits need to ripen and spirits have to grow”
An endless swirl of events in her head.
A storm of puzzlepiece memories hinting at each other.
Time was necessary Patience Consciousness and awareness.
Always now; her creativity had filled in the gaps.
Her world became bright like dawn with her epiphany. The truth stood out like a flower on her palm. She had found the king.
There is no waiting
For always Something is happening
It will always be now
Created: Jan 10, 2010Image Media