DLG_hitrecord.pdf

By exodave

Here's a fairly flexible play. There is lots of room for changes if the few props are problematic, and lots of room for improv.


"What Happened"


SCENE 1
Dave enters the stage wearing a bath robe, carrying a cup of coffee. His face is painted with a Groucho Marx mustache and eyebrows. He’s holding his head in pain and stumbles because he is very hung over. He sits on one end of a couch in the middle of the stage, then jumps up, disgusted. He feels his behind and looks, horrified, at his hand, and sniffs his hand. He then dry heaves a little. He looks at the couch, and dry heaves again. Then, he sits down at the other end of the sofa. He picks up a TV remote and points it at the audience, presses a button, and sets down the remote. After taking another sip of coffee, he looks down at the floor beside him, where another man, Jeff, lays sprawled out, facing away from the audience, and obviously passed out from the night before. Dave gets up, and leaves the stage, re-entering with another cup of coffee. He kicks Jeff, who remains motionless.

DAVE
Jeff! Get up, dude. Its like 5 o’clock.

JEFF
(Moans)

Dave sets the cup down next to Jeff, and sits back down on the couch.

JEFF (CONT'D)
(after a long pause)
A.M.?

DAVE
No, dumbass

JEFF
Did I win?

DAVE
Win what?

JEFF
501

DAVE
501? You were playing darts?
(thinks for a second)
And you were trying to count? Who was playing 501 with you?

JEFF
I don’t remember. Did I win?

Jeff sits up and he has a dart hanging out of the top of his head.

DAVE
Yeah, obviously

JEFF
Cool. I win. Dude. My head hurts.

DAVE
Mine too.

JEFF
Hey, is that coffee?

DAVE
Yeah.

JEFF
Cool.

Jeff stands up, wobbles for a second, then heads for the other end of the couch.

DAVE
Dude, you might not wanna

Jeff sits on the wet spot on the couch and jumps up.

JEFF
Awwwww double you tee eff, man, somebody yorked here? That sucks!

Jeff sits in the middle of the couch right next to Dave, and they sip coffee and watch TV together.

JEFF (CONT'D)
Hey, how does it feel to be thirty?

DAVE
Jeff, so far...

Dave takes another sip of coffee, holds his head, smells his hand, dry heaves, then looks at the top of Jeff’s head

DAVE (CONT'D)
It’s terrible.

JEFF
Oh, well, I’m sure it’ll get better. Hey!

Jeff looks at Dave’s face, points, and laughs.

JEFF (CONT'D)
That was pretty funny what you did last night.

DAVE
What did I do?

JEFF
You put on the Groucho mustache and started answering the door like the cabin scene in “Night at The Opera” or whatever.

Dave suddenly remembers and shakes his head in shame.

DAVE
I can’t believe I did that.

JEFF
Yeah, you were all, “Hey, Stew, bring me two fried eggs, two poached eggs, and two duck eggs” honk! Honk! Haha or whatever it was crazy, dude.

Dave rubs his face, and looks at his hand

JEFF (CONT'D)
Haha, yeah, awesome. Well hey man, Happy Birthday, in case I forgot to say it last night.

DAVE
I’m pretty sure you said it

JEFF
Yeah, I probably did.

They both go back to sipping coffee and watching television. Suddenly, Jeff turns and yells.

JEFF (CONT'D)
Dude!

Dave holds his head in pain

DAVE
Ow!

JEFF
Oh, sorry. But hey! Is that chick still in there?

DAVE
There is a girl in my room, yeah.

JEFF
Haha, awesome

DAVE
Who is she?

JEFF
You don’t remember!? Oh man, She came in with her friends later on, and you kept calling her Mrs. Teesdale for some reason.

DAVE
Holy crap, I was drunk

Jeff turns to Dave and offers a high five. Dave returns it without looking.

JEFF
Well, obviously, she went for it. God knows why. Hey what did you do with your cigar?

After a brief pause they both break into laughter and high five.

JEFF (CONT'D)
Oh wait, nope, there it is. Well, I guess its time for another beer.

DAVE
Don’t bother, the keg’s kicked.

JEFF
Crap. Well then, I guess I should go home.

DAVE
Yes, Jeff, you should.

They both take another sip of coffee and go back to watching television.

JEFF
Hey, maybe you should go check on Mrs. Teesdale. Do you think you killed her?

DAVE
I have no idea.

Jeff motions for another high five without turning. Dave ignores it, gets up and exits the stage. He comes back and sits back down.

DAVE (CONT'D)
Yeah, she’s breathing.

JEFF
Right on.

DAVE
(cracking up)
But there’s black makeup all over the bed and all over her.

Jeff spits his coffee and jerks around hard with laughter

JEFF
Ow!

Jeff reaches for his head, and finds the dart hanging out.

JEFF (CONT'D)
Oh, now I remember.

DAVE
Go home, Jeff.

JEFF
Alright, well, Happy Birthday, man

Jeff hands Dave the dart, gets up, and exits the stage.

Document
DLG_hitrecord.pdf

Created: Jan 08, 2010

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