A Young Man With Extraordinary Powers of Accident
Case # 71311
Detectives G. Womack and Q. Ellis
The following is a transcript of the interviews involving Eli Mazal, or "Mr. Serendipity," as he was nicknamed by the tabloids, peppered with my own personal commentary and recollections. At the point when these records become public, my intention is to include this text in my memoirs, as this case is one of the more memorable events of my career.
The characters are as follows:
-Myself, Quentin Ellis, age 34. 5'11", black hair, slightly overweight, neat goatee.
-My partner, Geneva Womack, age 37. 6'3", African-American, athletic build, short hair. Can be hard as hell, but has a motherly way about her when she's in the right mood.
-Eli Mazal, age 28. 5'4", brown eyes, straight black hair, slightly balding, large nose, very skinny. Jewy.
This is a recording of the second interview we had with Mazal, which started his fame as "Mr. Serendipity." Prior to this second event, his heroism was seen as a happy accident. However, at the time described herein, we were interested in a more thorough discussion pertaining to his involvement, thus a record was taken. There is no existing record of the first interview.
Beginning of transcript #1
QE: Mr. Mazal, nice to see you again.
EM: Thank you.
GW: Some kind of celebrity you've turned into, huh?
EM: I, uh, I guess so. [Laughs]
GW: Now, I want you to understand that you're not under arrest here, we're just looking for the full story. We're not interrogating you, and you can walk out of here, or ask for a lawyer at any time.
EM: Yes, yes, of course. Right. I'm a-okay. Whew! Hot day.
GW: Yep, probably's gonna get to the mid-90s.
EM: Yow. Good thing you got AC in here.
QE: We're pretty happy about it. You see the paper?
EM: Ahh. Yeah. Hmm.
GW: You don't seem too comfortable with it.
EM: No, it's no big deal, uh, nothing at all.
QE: The FBI doesn't think it a small deal.
EM: The, uh, the FBI?
QE: They're going to talk to you when we're done.
EM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against the government or anything like that, I'm not some crazy tinfoil-hat guy. But why is the FBI wanting to talk with me? I was just there.
QE: Child prostitution rings aren't in our jurisdiction. This was their case before it was ours. You just happened to be the one who broke it open.
GW: They've been tailing this Happy Campers group for a while.
EM: How long?
GW: Two years.
GW: Pretty lucky that you showed up.
QE: They were about to cut all existing contacts and go further underground. In two weeks, all the FBI's work would have been worthless.
GW: So why don't you just go through the night as it happened.
EM: And I'm not under arrest, right?
GW: You're just here as a witness, that's all.
EM: All right. So, at about 6:30, I got back home from work. I work at the convention center.
GW: I remember. Jewish carpenter, huh?
EM: Yep! That's me! [Awkward laugh] Anyway, um, so I got home, cooked myself a little spaghetti, then I realized that I forgot to get parmesan. Can't have spaghetti without parmesan. No way in hell.
QE: Practically a crime in itself.
EM: I know, right? Yeah, so, I went out, and the sidewalk I usually take to get to the store was closed for construction, so I took an alleyway.
GW: Alleys a little dangerous in your neighborhood, right?
EM: Only certain ones. I mean, this one was a little dangerous, but I was too hungry to think straight. So I was walking, and it was dark. I accidentally kick this small, weird can on the ground, and I have this sort of, uh, feeling.
GW: A feeling?
EM: You know. Like last time. That I should, you know, um, just, pick it up. And I did.
QE: And that was the canister of liquid nitrogen?
EM: I know, what are the odds, right? I was behind this offsite university lab, I guess they chucked it or something. But there it was. I had a compulsion to take it with me. So I did.
GW: At what point did you come across the basement?
EM: The next block down. Grocery store was closed, so I had to find my way to the other less-good store. And again, construction blocked my way and I went down an alleyway. And I saw this door sunk into the pavement with some stairs. The chain on the handle, locked. And I had this feeling again.
QE: Can you describe this feeling?
EM: I, um, it's just like, ah, I don't know. It's not like hunger, but it's not a conscious choice. You know, like when you're driving and you're going one place, but you go on auto-pilot and drive to another? And you say, "Why am I driving to work? I need to get to temple," or something. It's more like that. But not. I don't know. Really, I wish I did.
[NOTE: This was a similar explanation he gave for the previous event regarding the crowbar]
GW: So you go to the door.
EM: Right. I go to the door.
QE: And what gave you the idea to break in?
EM: I thought I heard something. I'm not under arrest, right? You're sure.
Created: Dec 15, 2009Document Media