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I am lazily puppeteering this shadow of my supposed self .


Floating like a ghost with morbid indifference to life while days


race past me like the scenery out of a speeding train's window .


Everything taught to be important in life like ambition love and


other such emotions both trivial and big dissolve into a WHY ,


while the answer to the greatest question of all : The meaning of


life, manifests itself with catalytic clarity as a big NOTHING .


the catalytic nature of the sudden revelation trivializes the act


of every tedious step in life up to that point and poetically


clones itself into a million answers with cruel finality to a


million questions . These questions with their previously


dramatized and glittery pseudo answers sound utterly ridiculous


now as I observe it all from where none of it but the crippling


numbness of existence alone touches me now. Those questions like


why one should live and love and hate with their widely


common self indulgent answers craftily constructed to look


grander than they were have formed a core out of which the warm


glow of purpose radiated and passionately worked the mechanism of


will full existence . Drifting away from the core I float


aimlessly towards the horizon of my newfound wisdom and find


comfort in the thought that an happy ending or a sad ending is


still just an ending and its eventuality makes a mockery of any


presumptuous purpose of existence that aims at anything beyond


its cold finality

Created: Mar 08, 2015

Tags: current mood, life, nihilism, non-fiction, prose

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