NIHILISTIC SELF DESTRUCTIVISM

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I am lazily puppeteering this shadow of my supposed self .


 


Floating like a ghost with morbid indifference to life while days


 


race past me like the scenery out of a speeding train's window .


 


Everything taught to be important in life like ambition love and


 


other such emotions both trivial and big dissolve into a WHY ,


 


while the answer to the greatest question of all : The meaning of


 


life, manifests itself with catalytic clarity as a big NOTHING .


 


the catalytic nature of the sudden revelation trivializes the act


 


of every tedious step in life up to that point and poetically


 


clones itself into a million answers with cruel finality to a


 


million questions . These questions with their previously


 


dramatized and glittery pseudo answers sound utterly ridiculous


 


now as I observe it all from where none of it but the crippling


 


numbness of existence alone touches me now. Those questions like


 


why one should live and love and hate with their widely


 


common self indulgent answers craftily constructed to look


 


grander than they were have formed a core out of which the warm


 


glow of purpose radiated and passionately worked the mechanism of


 


will full existence . Drifting away from the core I float


 


aimlessly towards the horizon of my newfound wisdom and find


 


comfort in the thought that an happy ending or a sad ending is


 


still just an ending and its eventuality makes a mockery of any


 


presumptuous purpose of existence that aims at anything beyond


 


its cold finality

Created: Mar 08, 2015

Tags: current mood, life, nihilism, non-fiction, prose

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