It was inevitable. With the way things had been going as of late, it was bound to happen. You can’t do the things I’ve done, say the things I’ve said, made the choices I’ve made and not expect things to turn out this way. The worst part was that this was my choice. No one made me do it-this was a hell of my own making.
I didn’t want to choose this. I really did not. I thought I could deal with everything that was going on, but it kept getting piled on. What was I supposed to do? Stay there and continue to become the type of person I despised? It was getting to the point where the things I would say and do disgusted me. Who was this person? It sure was not who I wanted to be.
That was when I was faced with a choice, one of the biggest I have had to make. On the one hand there was the steady paycheck-not a huge one, but enough to get by on. I was doing a job I really did love despite of all that was going on. On the other hand there was whom I was turning into to. I was becoming angrier and angrier, my temper was growing shorter and it was getting harder to find a "zen" state of mind.
All my life I have stuck with what is safe-what is known. Something had to budge or I was going to crack. Walking into my boss’ office and handing in my letter of resignation was the hardest thing I have had to do. It meant I made my choice. All that happened next was on me. I had no one else to blame. If I failed, it would be my own fault and no one else’s.
I sit here, on this park bench, facing the unknown. I sit here and everything is in front of me. For the first time in my life, I have no plan. No schedule. I am free. And it scares the shit out of me.
Created: Mar 07, 2015WNYBrowncoat Document Media