H. A. W.'s investments and the wrong Beatrice.

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To Beatrice:

I'll be dying shortly so I'll make this letter even shorter. Your tuition money was not lost in the economic meltdown of the 2000's. A few trusted fellows and I put it to good use in Vegas, 2009, and invested in several young women involved in the arts. 

The body is a beautiful thing. You should work on yours. Hey, you could pay off those student loans you always prattled on about and simultaneosly find a man with low standards. Therefore you can't be angry, I'm dying.

My physician has forced my hand in this,

Do not go to my funeral until you've done the Jenny Craig it's in your best interests,

I'm dying,

Henry Adam Wood.

P.S. I have been informed this is the Beatrice in Maine I have written and not the Beatrice in Pennsylvania I have already addressed this to, but as I lie here on my deathbed I realise I do not care enough to fix it. Be a dear, or Be-a-trice, Ha!, and make sure she gets this. Or not. You Wood women could be chopped down and make up a second Ark, I always say. Anywho, try the Jenny Craig. I seem to recall many rolls at the dinner table last Christmas.

Created: Apr 03, 2014


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