TAXIDERMY (NOM NOM - PART 3)

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***Third part of previous submissions (Nom Nom Part 1 and 2).  I promise I'll stop now.***


PREDATOR


Once again I’d like to apologize for fantasizing about eating you that one time.


MEEK ANIMAL


Two times.


PREDATOR


Right … two times. I really didn’t mean anything by ….


MEEK ANIMAL (Interrupting) I have a new best friend!


PREDATOR What?


MEEK ANIMAL I have a new best friend. Not you anymore. Someone else.


(Reaction shot of PREDATOR)


MEEK ANIMAL


(Continuing)


I just … I know you can’t physically eat me in our current state, but I can’t be your best friend knowing that you have these primal urges to, as you put it, “feast on my entrails”. I’m sorry, but put yourself in my shoes.


PREDATOR


You’re not wearing any ….


MEEK ANIMAL


(Interrupting)


Don’t try to talk me out of it, OK? We had some good times as bros, but it’s too late.


PREDATOR


I … I understand, man. Knowing your best friend thinks about eating you would be weird. I hope he’s a nice guy.


MEEK ANIMAL


He is. Meet Paul my new best friend.


(Shot of Paul. He is clearly a far fiercer looking meat eating animal than PREDATOR. Huge jagged maw filled with teeth).


PAUL


Hey, man.


PREDATOR


Ummm ….


(Shot of Paul again)


PREDATOR


(Continuing)


Are you sure that he isn’t thinking about eating you?


MEEK ANIMAL


Oh that’s mature. Undermining my friendship out of jealousy?


PREDATOR


No … it’s just. I’m pretty sure he’d eat you if he could.


MEEK ANIMAL


Based on what?


PAUL


(Obviously lying)


Yeah, man. I wouldn’t eat my main man here no matter how yummy he looks. I’m … uh … one of those vegan-a-table-tarians … or … whatever they’re called.


MEEK ANIMAL


I knew you wouldn’t take this well, but I never thought you’d slander my new friend like this.


PAUL


(Quietly to himself while MEEK ANIMAL is talking)


NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM ….


MEEK ANIMAL


(Continuing)


Maybe by examining yourself and your obviously unresolved issues you can some day be capable of having a real friendship.


PAUL


(growing louder until they all can hear him)


NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!


(Reaction shots of all three. Cycle through reaction shots again.)


MEEK ANIMAL


(Sighs)


Perhaps I’m just too delicious looking to have friends.


THE END

Created: Mar 26, 2014

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