Lonely

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Lonely;
Characterized by aloneness, or without companions
Alone;
Without others
The definition is not comprehensive or extensive enough to capture how I feel
I’m not alone, but I’m still lonely
Surrounded by bodies, by faces
But they’re disconnected
And don’t affect my reality
I’m empty…and your fake smiles or attempt at empathy won’t change me
I know that among these faces, there is someone who understands how I feel
But they’re afraid to reveal themselves
They keep pretending and defending their reality
Afraid of judgement
Because society pushes us down, forcing us to drown in our doubts
We lose connection with each other because of these rules
And we are fools to believe them
But it hurts to be real
And it’s scary to let yourself feel, everything
It’s easier to hide than confide in anyone
It’s easier to compartmentalize your emotions,
Put them in a box inside of your mind where you can’t find them
It’s easier to try and forget
It’s easier to plaster a smile on your face and attempt to erase any trace of your pain
But it’s not gone
And you can never completely move on, until you deal with your boxes
Sitting in the corner of your brain they affect your subconscious
You may forget for a while
You may smile and hide your emotions
You may be able to lie to yourself that they’re all neatly stacked on the shelf, but one day… a box will open
It may be kicked, it may be thrown the reason may be unknown
But it will fall and kick up dust
And the cloud
will fill your brain with confusion
Shattering your allusion of stability
You will no longer be able to pretend the pain is not real
You will no longer be able to defend yourself from how you feel
It will be overwhelming
I know…because I’ve felt it
I’ve had reality hit me in the face and I had to embrace failure
Because, I could not avoid my boxes being destroyed
It was inevitable
I’m still afraid, but I know what decisions need to be made
So I hold out my hand
I’m not alone but I’m still lonely
So I ask you to hold me
You don’t understand but you do

Created: Mar 08, 2014

Tags: spoken word, poetry, alone, poem, lonely, writing

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