It's Not Fair

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Growing up I was so envious of other people's families.


They had fathers who actively participated in their lives. They had mothers who would bake cookies for them. They had siblings that they could share secrets with.


I was alone. 


I think this envy was why I kept surrounding myself with other forms of "families". Church was one of them. I could be myself with the other youth group kids and they would all accept me for who I am. Until time took them away from me. Little by little..one by one. Until the roles have changed and now I was the oldest of the group.


I was forsaken.


In the 8th grade I had a best friend. We shared great memories and had a lot of fun experiences growing up. By the time we were seniors, I thought we would become friends forever. I even envisioned him as my best man at my wedding, celebrating with me as we had celebrated many summers together. His family was closer to me than my own. I was so jealous of his family; I wished that I could have been his brother.


And then he stabbed me in the back. Over something as stupid and trivial as money.


I was isolated. 


I didn't know who my family was. I didn't know who I was. All I knew was that everyone else had a family, an identity, and here I was trapped in this whirlpool of an identity crisis.


Then I met her.


She was the first girlfriend I ever had. The first kiss. The first of many things. We went to the same high school together but I never met her until my senior year. It was one of those crazy moments in life where things fall into place.


I was happy.


She and I spent a lot of time together. I got to know her brothers, mother, father, aunts, uncles, and all that jazz.


But something wasn't right. I felt an unease everytime I was with her. Something unsettled me...


I realized that it was because I was trying to replace my own family with hers.


I broke it off.


But this time, I wasn't alone.


I may not have the best family, but they are still my family.


I have no reason to be envious of anyone. In fact, it should be the other way around.


 

Created: Mar 05, 2014

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