Life is a Circus (Act 3-"The Stunningly Boring and Innocuous Tom th...

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[title cont: ...e Bookkeeper")]

Ringmaster:


Ladies and gentlemen...may I direct your attention toward Ring Number 3...


Tonight we have the "The Stunningly Boring and Innocuous Tom the Bookkeeper"...you won't believe your eyes...


mostly because you will soon fall asleep...


not by mass hypnosis...


but by mass pococurantism...


aka boredom.


(Ringmaster yawns)


The Stunningly Boring and Innocuous Tom the Bookkeeper:


(barely audible)


Hi there.


My name is Tom.


I'm a bookkeeper.


I wanted to be an accountant, but after 2 years of junior college I got Margie pregnant and had to quit school and get a job.


We have 2 average children.


A boy and a girl...or as I like to say, 'one of each'...that's a joke.


They make average grades in school.


They need braces.


And glasses.


I make exactly the median income for my age, career and demographic group.


I am a Methodist.


We attend church an average of 9.7 times a year.


Not counting Christmas, of course.


Nor Easter.


That sounds like a New England storm doesn't it?...nor' easter...that's a joke.


I like to watch bowling on the weekends.


Golf is...well...a bit too stimulating.


Margie seems a bit 'bored' with our 'board' games lately. That's not a joke.


I can't imagine why.


But I've noticed when she and I play cribbage, she no longer cries out "muggins!".


I may suggest Gin rummy next week.


After all, they say variety is the spice of life.


That reminds me...we don't eat spices at our house...it seems I'm allergic to all of them.


Oh...I see most of you...make that 'all of you'...are dozing.


Well, it's 8:30...time for my warm milk and cookies.


Chocolate chip.


The store bought kind.


I will leave quietly now.


Don't want to wake you.


Or the Ringmaster.


Thank you for coming.


Hope you enjoyed...


Oh frig it.


I know I'm boring...so...just go...


stick it up your...


tushes.


 


 


 


 


 

Created: Mar 04, 2014

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