The Letters of Henry Adam Wood (to Miss Victoria Bellows)

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Dear Miss Victoria Bellows

I can only imagine your surprise when, upon receiving this letter, you opened it to find out it was from I, Henry Adam Wood. I imagine the surprise you felt caused you to drop your breakfast or cup of tea, and this thought gives me great pleasure.

I am writing at the request of my doctor, as according to the feeble old quack I have mere months to live and should make amends with those I have wronged. I of course do not believe him as someone as truly handsome as I could not possibly die at the present time, but there is no harm in humouring the senile buffoon.

It has been brought to my attention that I owe you multiple apologies for ways I have wronged you in the past. You will find the aforementioned apologies enclosed in this letter. My friends say it would have seemed more sincere to write multiple letters of apology, but I do not wish to waste good paper on the likes of you, so with out further ado, here are my apologies:

1. I apologise for the above remark concerning wasting paper
2. I apologise for the conversation between us at the Governor’s ball many years ago, when you asked me to cease gazing at your bosom, saying “My eyes are up here sir” and I replied “I know, but they are by far not the most appealing part of your anatomy”
3. I apologise for informing a foreign ambassador that you were a concubine, and thus causing both you and the ambassador much embarrassment. It appears I was the only one who found this joke amusing
4. I apologise for sleeping with both of your sisters and your cousin during the months of our courtship

I hope that this letter reaches you and you find it in your heart to forgive me, I would hate to waste more paper writing another letter to you.

Yours Sincerely, Henry Adam Wood

P.S. It occurs to me that you were unaware of the fact that I had slept with both of your sisters and your cousin in the months of our courtship, but I guess we all learn something new every day.



This idea appealed to my 17 yo son so much, he wrote 3 letters as Mr henry Adam Wood - this is the 1st of the 3

Created: Mar 04, 2014

Tags: humor, remix, letters, theme, fiction

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