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Early


It's too early


We only met three weeks ago


It's too soon to feel this way


this isn't logical


this isn't me


I don't fall


I'm falling..


that's what this is, right?


I wouldn't know.


It was too soon a week ago.


I saw you three Saturdays ago and knew I wanted to know you, so I approached you.


How unlike me


Sitting here,


thinking of you.


How unlike me.


It's too soon.


Too early in the process, that's what I believe what you believe what they all tell me.


No one knows more than me


this isn't me


But then I see your eyes in my mind and my stomach twists tightly like a wet, wrung towel and it's something I can't remember feeling before


Maybe I did, but it's been years.


I'm scared, so again and again I try to stop this


we don't need to go any further. 


It's too early on for me to feel this way


we better stop now before it becomes true insanity


again again again I tell myself I'll stop this


then I see you


or a message from you


and I can't


I won't


I'm scared to go on and scared to stop


I want to feel after locking myself away for so long


but I know what's at the end of this


what's always at the end of this


but no I cannot even say that because I have not felt this, no, not this way


I'm certain it's infatuation. How could it not be?


the more I learn


the more time I spend


the more I want to


is it the same for you?


But stop! No


it's too soon.


I can't stop


what is this?


Always


I have always been able to stop


to cut off emotions


but I refuse


you will hurt me


or I will hurt you


or I will hurt us both


that's how it always ends when my heart gets involved


but I refuse


I want to see


I want to know how far I can go


how close I can let you come


I wonder if you'll get past the blockades I've had up for decades


I wonder if I'll let you


what would that feel like?


devastating


certainly


certainly it would be


but what else?


I want to know.


so I refuse


I won't lock myself away.


It's early.


It's too soon.


It's pure insanity like I've never felt and I'll let it burn us both to feel alive


to feel something again


in that place I have caused to wither with my steadfast protection


I won't be careless with you


if anything


it is myself I am being careless with


I will let that be. 


I'm afraid. 


It's so early to be afraid.


but I never feel this much...


it is good...


but you understand?


it's fucking terrifying.

Created: Feb 21, 2014

Tags: reason, affection, confusion, chaos, early, free-verse, romance, soon, logic, falling, fear, timed prompt

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