brutal noodles > the brutal noodle slogan - Writing

BRUTAL NOODLES

By christopher.harn

It would be difficult to convey exactly how this came about…it was hilarious, amazing, and bizarre. I think what’s really important is bringing up the people involved. Its origin came from Steph [theshuttersmith], Madisen [madisenward], and Koura [kouralilly], and ideas were thrown around between Koura, Katie [musing5225], and myself. Koura and I wrote it, and well, brace yourself…for Brutal Noodles:


 


INT. STUDY - NIGHT


 


The room is cozy, refined, and full of books. MADISEN, a totally awesome hitrecorder, sits in an armchair. He’s extremely well dressed and has a refined sensibility to him. He looks directly at the camera. We slowly move in to a close up on him as he addresses us.


 


MADISEN: There is one time-worn evaluation of skill, strength, and cunning that exceeds all others. A ritualistic gauntlet known for its unforgiving hardship and meager rate of success. A solemn test of fortitude and tenacity, bathed in the tears of the fallen. I am, of course, talking about the rite of Brutal Noodles. Few see it coming, fewer remain standing by its end. Brutal Noodles can descend upon anyone at any time. Let us now turn our attention to unsuspecting artist Steph, who will soon be ambushed by the ultimate noodle challenge. 


 


[tight on Madisen’s face]


 


She only needs to eat one bite…of…NOODLES!!!


 


CUT TO CRAZY VISUALS ON SCREEN with text:


 


BRUTAL NOODLES


 


 


INT. STEPH’S KITCHEN


 


Normal, unremarkable kitchen. We see STEPH, an equally awesome hitrecorder. She stands over a boiling pot of water and drops in a bunch of noodles. As soon as the noodles hit the water, Madisen appears in a puff of smoke behind her. He seems less composed and more fickle…he’s got a wild card vibe. Psychedelic phenomena start creeping into the room upon his arrival, with colors and lights appearing and vanishing in a mesmerizing pattern.


 


Steph stays collected and cool throughout the entirety of the encounter, shrugging off the bizarre turn of events. She turns around.


 


MADISEN: Steph dear! So glad to see you!


 


STEPH (unphased): Who are you? What’s going on?


 


MADISEN: Oh, you know, the usual. You’re charged with surmounting the greatest challenge known to humanity. Brutal Noodles await, Steph, ARE YOU READY?


 


STEPH: What? What are you talking about? Who are you?


 


MADISEN: I’m Madisen, it’s a pleasure to meet you.


 


He shakes her hand with more invigoration than necessary. She jumps a bit at his enthusiasm but shakes his hand in return.


 


MADISEN (cont): LET THE BRUTAL NOODLE CHALLENGE BEGIN!!!


 


Madisen laughs maniacally, and presses a button on his tie. Whatever level-headedness we previously saw in him has vanished. The psychedelic effects escalate even more, and the room seems to spin in every direction. We see a close up of Steph’s face barely reacting to the craziness, a flash of Madisen and then the spinning room around her.


 


With a flash of light, a cooked bowl of noodles appears in Steph’s hands. Still seemingly unaffected by the absurdity surrounding it, she starts to reach for a fork, but the noodles come alive and jump away from her grasp.


 


STEPH: Huh.


 


The bowl hovers in front of her. She considers it, hands still in front of her, otherwise unresponsive.


 


MADISEN: All you must do is take a single bite, Steph. That’s all you must do to claim noodle victory!


 


Madisen does a little jump almost dance step. Steph is only mildly interested, still not quite ready to play though. She looks up at Madisen.


 


STEPH: And what happens if I lose?


 


MADISEN (giddy): Then I steal your noodles! All of your noodles will be mine!


 


He giggle-laughs and rubs his hands together.


 


STEPH (without missing a beat): Oh you’re gonna end up in a hospital ward, buddy.


 


MADISEN (snaps to a tense face as quickly as he had started laughing): I wouldn’t get too comfortable yet!


 


Madisen starts to smile again and we cut to Steph. The noodles have sneaked under Steph’s nose, forming a ‘noodle-stache’ of sorts…Madisen cackles at the sight. Steph reaches to grab the dastardly strands of tasty, but they’re too quick and dash away from her face, hovering a few feet beyond her grasp.


 


MADISEN: Way too slow, dear, WAY too slow! These aren’t your typical benign noodles, you’ve never encountered noodles this deliciously diabolical before! Don’t underestimate them unless you’re in the mood to fail!


 


Steph makes a lunge toward the noodles, ignoring Madisen, but she finds her feet stuck in elastic-y strands of noodle-ish trickery. As always, Steph doesn’t lose her cool for a second.


 


STEPH: What the…?


 


MADISEN: Ah, yes, the sticky noodle trap…an innovative concoction of faux-noodle subterfuge. Such are the machinations of the Brutal Noodles.


 


Steph glares at Madisen- the closest she’s come to losing composure- and tries dashing toward the noodles once again. The noodles flee, but Steph manages to herd them around Madisen. She sprints in circles around Madisen, chasing the noodles in a seemingly fruitless race.


 


MADISEN: Well what on earth is this? Circles? This will do you no good, Steph! You need to up your…


 


Madisen notices that in her circular motions, Steph’s speed has surpassed the motion of the noodles, as they tried to cut closer and closer to catch up, they have wound themselves around his legs, and are slowly making their way upwards as they still try to flee from Steph.


 


MADISEN (cont) (nervously scared but inappropriately jocular): Oh you are clever! That’s good, that’s enough! You’ve made your point. I’ll let you have a noodle bite if you just…


 


The noodles have bound his legs…his fear becomes more evident.


 


MADISEN (cont): Steph? STEPH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEPH?! STEPH, THIS IS JUST CRAZY!!!


 


The noodles wind their way up Madisen’s torso, binding his arms to his sides, until only his head is free. Content, Steph walks over to a lone noodle quivering on the table. It lifts itself up like a searching snake; she and it stare at each other for a moment in a tense standoff. After a few beats, the noodle tries to flee, but Steph is ready and leaps up, catching the noodle in her mouth. She slurps it up spaghetti style.


 


CUT TO BLACK


 


TEXT ON SCREEN: IMPECCABLE NOODLE VICTORY

Document
BRUTAL NOODLES

Created: Feb 17, 2014

Tags: trial, test, brutal, script, comedy, noodles

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