REmix: The Regularity is Near - Breaking News!

By WingedSpoon

BREAKING NEWS REPORT: The Regularity is near!

The scene was one of panic and disorder this morning in the city, as citizens stampeded through the streets, some fleeing, some looting abandoned shops, some simply swept up in the chaos and not entirely sure what the fuss was. The reason for this ongoing havoc is a large, red disc like object hovering above the city and moving in slow circles with no apparent destination. The object, which appeared at 7:23 this Saturday morning announced its presence by emitting a vocal message - "The Regularity is near". The communication, spoken in a voice that many have described as "familiar, but the kind you're not quite able to put your finger on", has been repeated without fail every seven minutes for the past five hours.

The military earlier dispatched air units to investigate, but each of these inexplicably disappeared into the object's scarlet mass. All of the soldiers manning the aircraft were later found unharmed wandering the streets with glazed looks and huge grins in an apparent state of euphoria. None of the men were able to say what had happened to them and refused to return to their military duties, instead opting to partake in activities such as basket weaving and interpretive dance. Attempts to communicate with the object or whoever may be in control of it have so far proven unsuccesful.

While most citizens believe that this entity is a space invader here to destroy humanity, there are a select few who have embraced the UFO, and have formed a sort of cult. The group call themselves 'Hit Recorders', a name that we have yet to discover the meaning of. They follow the slow moving object as it circles the city, claiming that it talks to them on a semi-regular basis (They put emphasis on the 'semi'). Although these followers cannot tell us why the object is here or where it came from, they relay a promise from it of "Website", "Production Company" and "Regular Recording Routine". Unfortunately it seems these people, who all have backgrounds in creative persuits such as photography, musicmanship and filming, are the only ones who understand the implications of these promises. Despite the growing confusion amongst the rest of society, these misfits assure us that they are very excited about what is to come.

Though nobody is sure why the object is here, scholars claim that there are ancient texts which describe the coming of a large red disc which would speak to the people of things to come. Despite the accuracy of these predictions, they also assert that the object was to come approximately five months ago on the eve of the fourth ancient Red Moon ritual, which has lowered the credibility of the claims considerably.

Inside the city, we caught up with some citizens to see what they had to say. On the outskirts we came across a middle aged man who said "I been shootin' that dang thing all day but all it ever does is shimmy around the sky like a one-legged pig. I just wanna blow it outta the sky" One elderly woman said "I can't wait, I could use some regularity!" We ran into one of the object's followers who told us "We shouldn't run from this. It's a beautiful peaceful thing that just wants everyone to make other beautiful peaceful things and stick them all together into one big huge beautiful peaceful thing that we've all made". She then did a strange little dance and rejoined the group.

There are conflicting views on whether we should act offensively or embrace the object. There are the radicals who promise fire and brimestone if it is not destroyed immediately, and then there are those like the cultists who have taken a much friendlier stance. Confusion aside there has been discussion that we need to get used to the fact that this big red disc may well be here to stay.

[Damnit, I meant to check 'Result'. Sorry >.>]

REmix: The Regularity is Near - Breaking News!

Created: Sep 27, 2009

Tags: near, news, breaking, invasion, report, regularity

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