1 Year, 4 Months, 17 Days, Innumerable Minutes

By harrisonc45

I don't know how to make a text RECord so I just copy and pasted
I wrote this during a time I couldn’t afford to play hockey.

What am I doing here? I’m sitting here in my community college cafeteria wondering that question. A group of my peers who are essentially grown man-boys are playing the latest Call of Duty at full volume on the community television. What am I doing here? I’m a smart human being. My grades don’t reflect that though, they say I’m a struggling student at best. The truth is I have no idea what it is I want to do because every job field seems so hard to get into. I feel at my best when part of a team or have a core group of friends that I see every day. In college, especially this one, I don’t have anyone except my younger high school aged brother who I see and talk to on a daily basis. I need a team of people behind me in order for my confidence to show. I think it might be the need to constantly prove my worth to my peers.

Truth be told I would much rather be writing entertainment reviews or hockey articles for a magazine or newspaper. They are things that keep my attention and allow me to feel something. Hell I would be happy working in any locker room in the NHL. I wanted to join the Army many years ago, to become a trained sniper and Army Ranger. To be among something that exudes camaraderie as one of its core virtues appeals to me. You become something unique and that few people can claim they were a part of.

Is that what people want to be? Is being unique a requirement for being a successful human? I have no idea. The only thing I really want is a good job that allows me to fund my adventures, something I enjoy doing. I want to meet a woman who intrigues me more and more every day I’m near her. I want to feel something aside from the constant numbness that comes with my existence. Anything at all, even pain, I need to feel connected to something bigger than myself. How do I do that? Does anyone know? Maybe a select few people figure it out and those are the kinds of people we follow. We gravitate to those who seem to know the path we are all on. Truth be told though, I don’t care about the path, I just want the company. Life isn’t nearly as scary when you have people who have your back.

I guess that’s the key. Finding company to share your experiences with. People who you can share inside jokes with. People you can call at all hours of the day or night and just talk to for an hour straight about nothing even remotely important. People who despite the jokes about your flaws wouldn’t like to change them. Great adventures always need someone to witness them; otherwise no one can prove they happened. That’s why we need other people in our lives to bear witness to what we are and what we do. To say to the world that we were someone worth hearing about that we even mattered at all in the great scheme of things. People whose lives we touch make us matter they guide and shape us and we reciprocate. That’s how the world goes round.

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1 Year, 4 Months, 17 Days, Innumerable Minutes

Created: Aug 01, 2010

Tags: crippling, life, interferance

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