Sum of My Existence

Cover Image

Sum of My Existence

Written by

April Walkingstick


breeze blowing through trees, leaves rustling on pavement, children laughing/playing, sounds slowly fade out


BEATRICE HARDEN, tall, slightly overweight, pretty brunette, late 30's sitting quietly, wearing dark sunglasses, lost in thought, corners of mouth turned down, white blouse, the hem of a floral print skirt softly billowing in the breeze

(turns to camera)
I'm Beatrice. I am alone. Aging.
Childless. My life has been a
culmination of struggle and
pain but it has had it's
moments of joy. Don't get me
wrong. (chuckles) My life hasn't
been complete shit.

I have sacrificed and I have existed.
I am no different than anyone
else in that aspect I suppose.
Nor am I any better than anyone
else. I like to think I have gone
against the grain, opposed to
the "norm". (winks) Normal people
suck. They are way to boring.
Too predictable.

(mood changes, features darken)
My brother told me once while
we were arguing that I would
die alone. Ouch, right? It
was cruel but only because it was
the truth. I had come to that
realization long ago. I think that
is why it hurt so much. To hear
it said out loud and the fact
that he knew it too. He can be
a real dick. But that's one
of the things I love about him.
You know?

(heavy sigh)
Any who, back to the subject at
hand. The point I am trying to make. If there is one.
I hope that you're one of the
lucky ones to find a sense of
self and that you figure out
what your life means to you and
those around you. That you
somehow find the whole,
the sum of your existence. When
you do, hold onto it. Let it
define and guide you as you go
through life. It's important
that you do.

I wish I knew what it was for
myself. I haven't figured it out.
Hypocritical, I know. I've
thought about it ever since
that fight with my brother.
It's hovered over me. An
impenetrable darkness of self
hatred and loathing. Maybe I
have though about it to much
and I've made it too
complicated. I don't know.
It makes my head hurt thinking
about it.

So, what is my life about? Why do I
exist at all? For what purpose?
Why am I alone? These are
the questions I have. Where
are the answers? Who knows?

(mood lifts raises face to sun)
(smiles) I miss my brother.
He's a good person. He's
tall and attractive even
though he is slightly over weight.
Funny as hell and sarcastic to boot.
He's figured it out for himself.
I am really proud of him. He
doesn't question his life or
existence. He's really super
smart too. He has this insight
about people, you know?
He can see the things you want
to hide. He figures you out.
He just knows truths. He was
right about me after all. I did
die alone. I just hope he can
forgive me and himself.


Created: Jul 31, 2010


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