Slow Boat to China (or Aeroplane to Asia Minor)

By JessMarshall

The rushed need for silence
the search for a lighter like a gun for violence and my heart
swells aches bursts into flames and I claw
the walls
to remember the names of my brokenhearted.

Impossible as it seems these pieces fit together.
The endless facets of my
heart soul mind
create some jagged diamond that is me I
just can’t seem to puzzle the parts.
I now believe the whole is more than the sum of my art.

But this is where I can say without shame that I love two men almost the same—
the beauty the brain
the slow boat to china and aeroplane to Asia Minor and I am torn ripped shredded and have only myself to blame.

I want to stop time
and freeze myself forever in a pair of arms
and I can’t
decide whose parts are wrapped around me.
I know they both
drink and smoke and drink and drink and smoke
trying to figure out how to win me but both have conceded to a better man.

I want it all—
smoke without cancer drunk without hangover chocolate without calories action without consequence to live
and seldom think
worry wonder about tomorrow
whose doorstep I’ll bring sorrow to one fine day.

I am no longer allowed to
commit myself to noncommittal
no longer allowed to leave myself where
temptations follow oh and it’s just such a bother because perhaps
the temptation is me.

Priestess in a window
and virgin on the dashboard
I wish I had a spare soul to sell,
wish I could bargain with that devil himself
to get all that I wanted because
that doesn’t seem too much to ask.

Cause what if
I’m wrong I’m right I’m wrong
what if
I make the decision
and regret haunts me in alleys where I drink out of brown paper beg men to touch me.

The rush fumble hurry for hush for quiet in my brain to bring the tobacco to my lips again to steady my nerves still my heart my ache my swelling and I burst.

Slow Boat to China (or Aeroplane to Asia Minor)

Created: Jul 29, 2010


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