It has been a long 7 years, full of happiness, sadness, guilt, and regret. A young woman meets a young man and they think it will be "forever", little do they know what was waiting for them around every turn of every single corner. This is that story from the woman's eyes.
Just your everyday average girl, loved music, pro wresting, and food; nothing besides a parents bitter divorce to bring me down. I thought my life was great. I had dreams and goals and no matter what I was going to fulfill every inch of every desire my mind could have created and that all changed with my first boyfriend. I met him on a chilly fall night outside a wrestling show. He knew the right things to say and had the perfect charm that no 16 year old could resist. We had exchanged numbers and I had thought nothing of it since after all I am just the plain jane girl next door, I thought I would never hear from him again. But to no avail the next night after returning home from work my mother tells me "some boy" called, I was so excited I nearly pissed myself. I thought it looked to desperate to call him so I waited to see if he would call back...he did and that would end up being the best and worst phone call of my life.
Now don't get me wrong everything started out fine we would talk on the phone for hours, half falling asleep or not saying anything because of the lack of words. I would pick him up after school and we would hang out watching movies for the rest of the day. All of that was amazing until we moved in together almost 2 years later.
Within months of getting a place together it seemed as though I could never do enough or be the person he wanted me to be. At first it was just arguments with him threatening to leave, then it escalated to a far more dangerous level. Instead of yelling he would get mad punch the wall then throw me down only to tell me to get up then choke me as I cried because I couldn't do anything else. I felt as though I was wrong for whatever it is I did and that I deserved what I got. This went on for years and still to this day hasn't gotten much better just a little less physical. My fondest memory of all the fights is my 19th birthday. I was leaving to get a tattoo and my best friend was coming over to take me. For some reason when I got off the phone "HE" smacked the phone out of my hand, started yelling and calling me a bitch and when I asked what I did he slapped me and told me not to interrupt him. I got up to walk away and he pushed me into the coffee table and told me he wasn't done, so I sat there in tears wondering what I did to make him this angry.
Years went on fights and arguments seemed to just play an everyday role in my life to a point they became normal until one day when a mutual friend asked me why I don't go anywhere with them or hang out anymore. My response floored him as nothing I am about to say could have even been a thought in his head. I was told for years that my friends thought I was a bad person and not fun to hang around and they only talked to me out of pity because they felt bad that I was so mentally unstable to have a social life. After finding out that none of my friends ever thought this I was done with everything.
I had let go of this girl that I used to be, afraid to live in fear she might do wrong by her boyfriend. I was a new woman! I lived my life to the fullest possible extent that I could, to the point where I did things that I regret like kissing one of my best friends and ruining our relationship because of that. I even slept with another man, but I just couldn't take the life I had anymore.
I don't love "HIM" anymore in fact I don't know if I ever did, I just thought "oh man this guy likes me I better jump at this opportunity because I may not have another chance". I guess the worst part about all of this is now I am so far in debt because of "HIS" expensive life style that I would ultimately fail in the world to be without a roommate. So in turn I stay, I pretend to love this man who has done nothing but cause me pain and strife for so long, all in order to survive because my greatest fear in life is failing.
One day I will be free of this hell that is my life but as for now I will sit and wallow in what would have been if I had never answered the phone.
Created: Jul 28, 2010Document Media